Such Is Life

I started. And now I've got to keep going. My sister says she wants stories. She'd be most happy if they were memories that include her in some way. So...I guess we'll start with one of the best weekends I've had in a while. This last Saturday turned out so good.

I've seen very little of my family lately. With the schedules that we keep and the way things are, we just don't have a lot of time together. For months, it got under my skin and just festered. No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to not be bothered with the way things were. It was more than just people having their own schedules. It was more than just a temporary turn of events. Transitions and change are part of life and yet the changes that have taken place over the last 9 months have served no purpose other than one person's happiness and everyone else figuring out how to cope. Or so it seemed.

I was wrestling and begging God to show me what it was that He was doing and to protect everyone from the temptation to run and hide. I so wanted this time to bring us closer together and to make us stronger. I cried a lot of tears and went for a lot of walks and wrote a lot of words. And then I met up with a stranger and he looked right into my life and told me exactly what was happening.

I kicked his words around for most of a week before telling him that he was right and that I realized that I was trying to do something I was never meant to do. More on THAT later.

The point is, without me telling him much of anything at all, he somehow recognized that I was in a transition period and that I was ready to make changes. My reaction to his words helped me to see that in my mind, I've always thought of this potential transition as me giving up and giving in and running away from something that was too hard to bear. I didn't want to chicken out. I didn't want to seek change because I thought that it was just a disguise for betraying everything I supposedly stood for.

You've been there. You're up against something difficult. Everyone around you thinks you're crazy for sticking with it. They tell you over and over again that you need to get out of there, that you're being taken advantage of, that you need to change things. They offer to help. They try to woo you to seek deliverance in them and in their companionship. And they mean well.

That guy was right. It IS a transition period. Changes are going to be made and I am the one who gets or needs to make them. And it isn't weak. And it isn't giving up. And it isn't backing down.

At the same time, there's something to be said for looking trials in the face and staying in the lap of God. Over the last month, God granted me that stranger's wisdom and then He brought it full circle with a message of endurance and the purpose of trials and the call to not only face them, but to SEEK them.

So...There you have it. Days have been hard. Days will continue to be hard. I know you've got difficulties of your own. I know you know what it is to wrestle with hard times and to wonder what it is you're supposed to be doing in light of them. I know you've sought counsel only to hear words that seem so incredibly wrong. And maybe, just maybe, you've heard words on suffering that gave you a hope that you know comes from God.

And you've had good days in the midst of it all. Like my Saturday. The morning started with me coaching my sister in the art of potato salad making and joining in on an alllll day picnic less than an hour after finding out about it.We ate and walked and laid around the park and the beach. We swam and we laughed and told stories and we were together and it was so good.

The day ended with me trooping around town to meet up with another friend of mine for one last walk. Then, I drove alllll the way across town with the windows down talking life and music and books and whatever we could cover with yet another person I hardly know, but who seems like he's going to be a friend in the days ahead.

It's been a long 9 months. Summer got off to a rocky start. I looked myself in the face and told myself what to do. I've packed my swim suit and a change of clothes and sneakers and snacks and have spent time doing what I love doing even when I can't find anyone to do it with. In a way, it's great because you don't have to plan ahead and you don't have to feel bad about only doing it for a little while before you hurry off to do whatever else you need to do.

I'll always be a people person. I think I'll always prefer the company of people to the company of myself. But...I'm learning. Learning to translate trials in a way that fits with who I am in Christ. Learning to trust God with everything, including the decisions other people make. Learning to make the most of time I am granted, even if it's just HOURS with the ones I love. Learning to be firm with myself and yet gentle with myself at the same time.

It might be the perfect Saturday. It might be a walk through the rain with a stranger who won't back down. It might be a sermon that comes at just the right time. It might be months and months of God appearing to say no to every single thing I thought He was in the process of granting me.

Such is life.

And you know, it's good.