|April 13, 2014|
After a major breakthrough on anxiety, the last few weeks have been rough. It was getting to the point where I was thinking it might be time to take some time to write down everything that was weighing on my mind so that I could pray about it and remind myself that I had given it over to God.
Seriously...I was feeling tired and drained and like I couldn't breathe. I had major headaches. I was nervous. It was getting ugly. I was worrying about EVERYTHING and most of it was 100% out of my control.
About two days into it reaching the point where I was pretty sure the breaking point was coming, my Mom got SICK. My brother and sister's latest play had JUST opened and the cast and crew was passing around some major germs. My Mom getting sick was one thing I was worrying about more than anything else. She does their makeup and helps several others with theirs too and there is no way the show could go on without her....Long story short, she spent most of three days in bed and pulled herself out JUST long enough to do my brother and sister's make up.
She was sick enough and I was frazzled enough that ALL of my worries disappeared over the course of those three days. I contacted several friends and asked them to pray for my Mom. Whatever she had was kind of scaring me. I prayed each time I thought of my friends praying and it really helped me to KNOW that people were praying for us.
The thing about anxiety is that you can't will it away. If you focus on it or focus on trying to overcome it, it gets worse. If you focus on turning your mind away from it, it gets worse. The thing about anxiety is that something has to become bigger than it is. My Mom being sick was THE thing I was most worried about. Once she got sick, I began to realize that all I could do was take her to God and trust Him. THE thing I was worried about was BAD, but it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be.
And that's how it always goes. Not because things aren't BAD, but because God is in control and with every bad thing He brings, He brings grace too. The grace is measured out perfectly.
My Mom got sick and four days later she got better. We made it through the school shows. I was reminded how sweet it is to KNOW people are praying with you. The play closed this last Sunday and I'm tempted to worry about different things now, but God's grace over the last month is here reminding me not to mess with that. There's more...
Last winter, the top of a pine tree broke off and landed in our backyard. It came down with a CRASH and drove huge ruts into the grass. BUT, it didn't hit the house, the roof, the fence, the bushes, or ANYTHING. It came down and I was overcome with gratefulness. We opted to leave it be until spring. Spring is here and we've been trying to clean up the backyard. It's HUGE and getting it out of the backyard and hauled away is a daunting task. I went from being grateful to pathetic. It was easy to thank God for keeping the tree from hitting things, but when the next problem arose, I did what I do and turned to WORRY.
On Friday, we heard chainsaws mid-morning. My Mom looked over the neighbor's roof and saw a guy up in their pine tree. We opened the front curtain and realized that a tree service was in the neighborhood and had brought along a woodchipper. I went out to ask them what they would charge to run our pile of branches through that chipper if we hauled them out to the street. The boss came over to have a look and after negotiating a price, we came up with a solution for the branches that were blocking the gate in and out of our backyard and putting our spring clean up at a stand still.
You guys...I'm writing about this to tell you that in three days and with 30 bucks, my worries disappeared. Before the last of the branches was even run through the chipper I began laughing at myself. The weight of worry was lifted and I saw THROUGH the fog of my anxiety.
God knows. We worry soooo carelessly. Being consumed with anxiety doesn't help anyone or accomplish anything. Waiting on God is the way out.
Whatever has been weighing on you is just like my Mom getting sick, those giant branches blocking our gate, and the snow that's coming down on the exact day I planned to plant some seeds. These things do concern us and yet God never leaves us to fend for ourselves. Yes, these worries are small and trivial and nothing compared to things like the terrorist attacks in Brussels, but I'm convinced that all of them are doing a work in our hearts that cannot be accomplished any other way.
God's grace is bigger than any concern and He sees that it comes through at just the right time.