Welcoming Them In

March 29, 2017

Making friends can be TOUGH. We talk about it all the time. We move to a new place or get a new job or settle into a new church and all of a sudden we realize just how much having friends means to us. We strike up conversations and go to gatherings in an attempt to connect with people to share our lives with. We meet a lot of nice people. We meet some really strange people. We discover who has time and space and who doesn't. Explaining ourselves over and over again grows old. Just about the time we decide we can't do this much longer, things click. We settle in. We look around and realize that one friend turned into a whole group of them and it wasn't so bad after all.

I'm finally to that point. I didn't know that I was, but going away for two weeks made it clear that I am. It took a solid year before I met someone who wanted and had time for the same kind of friendship I was looking for. I don't know if my attitude changed or if being her friend meant that some of her friends became my friends by default, but six months later, I found myself on the other side of the country looking forward to the get togethers that would happen when I got home. If you've ever started over from scratch in a new place or grown weary in the hunt for some good friends who live nearby, then you know how HUGE this is.

I spent a lot of months trying to be super friendly and it wore me out. When I had reached the place where I was admitting that I was tired of meeting people, all of a sudden, I became fast friends with someone. We got together when we could and texted in between times. I was satisfied with having just ONE solid friend, but God wasn't finished. I kept putting myself out there and slowly but surely, I connected with more people. Connecting is one thing. Welcoming them in is another.

The work of welcoming them in means being honest. It means explaining yourself, asking questions, answering questions, and really taking time to listen. It means making time and granting time. It means learning things about them and trying to find common ground. I've never been the kind of person who needs to have a ton of friends. I like to have one or two people who know me really well and are just as much my go-to person as I am theirs. That said, I have a lot of long distance relationships. I've learned that having friends close by is important too.

When my attitude about anything bothers me, I step back. I ask myself what bothers me, why it bothers me, how I got there, and what I need to do to "fix" it. As you know, my attitude towards hospitality had reached an all time low and I KNEW that things HAD to change. So, I did what I do. I wrote it out. I prayed it out. I sought God. I talked to myself and observed myself and figured out that I already knew what I needed to do.

Before I left for my trip, I had two very specific opportunities to practice what I was calling myself to do. My friend Annika texted me asking if I wanted to meet up for a walk. Schedules were tight, but I found a way to make it work. She left her car at my house and we walked the trail my brother and I bike. We walked and talked and it was great to stretch our legs on such a long walk after so many months of being cooped up. When we made it back to my house, a voice in my head told me that I should invite her in. I knew that voice was right...So, I did. I invited her in for tea. I offered her some of the cookies I had made the day before. We sat in my living room and talked about her family's new business venture and who knows what else.

A few days later, I was with some friends who were talking about a movie that I knew about but had never seen. One thing turned into another and by Saturday, we were planning a get together to watch it. That voice popped up again telling me to offer to host it. It was the Saturday before I flew to MA. I was busier than busy getting ready for my trip, keeping up with regular life stuff, and running extra errands that had to be done before I left. But, I spoke up and invited them in. The next afternoon, I bustled around the kitchen making simple snacks. The time we had set arrived and the doorbell rang. One by one, they came in. We stood around my kitchen munching on snacks and visiting. We started the movie and when it was over, we sat in silence until the conversation picked back up. We moved back into the kitchen and talked and talked until everyone decided that they really had to go.

Neither offer was a big deal. It was a cup of tea, a movie, some cookies, and a buffet of snacks. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't fancy, it was just welcoming them in. And you know, it was really nice.

I told you to ask me how it was going when I got home. And I'm checking in to tell you that it's going a lot better. Sometimes hospitality falls into our laps, like it did the day after I got home. Other times, hospitality is something that we have to consciously pursue. I'm working on it. So far, I'm doing alright.

Have you ever started over in a new place?

How is hospitality going for you right now?

On Rest: Part Three

February 23, 2012

If you haven't read Part One and Part Two in this series on Rest, you may want to do that now.

Like I said before, Mark 6 isn't mainly about rest or food. It's about the Gospel. It's about learning how to respond when interruptions come. 

Today is the part where I tell you where these truths found ME. I've been to God's Word. I've journaled and prayed my way through this theme that God is bringing to my attention. And like He almost always does, He keeps bringing it up. Kaycee wrote about rest when she linked up with Renee.  Matthias Media shared a post about One-To-One ministry on their FB page. As I was cooking dinner (brats, alfredo, and salad) for my family last night, I had my iPod set to shuffle and this sermon by Carl Medearis came on. I thought I was done learning what I had to learn from Mark 6, but I was WRONG. 

I was in the mood for music, but something about Medearis's message sucked me in. I didn't hit the skip button. I listened and before I knew it, I was REALLY listening. Things are tighter than they've been in a long time. We're spending more money on gas and theatre stuff than ever before. I know it's what we came here to do, but I put a lot of pressure on myself not to waste a single cent as I keep our pantry stocked with food. It's to the point where I'm terrified that an extra mouth or two will show up for dinner because I know I've only set aside EXACTLY how much meat we need to feed the five of us. I've actually encouraged my brother and sister to plan game nights and get togethers so that people show up after any reasonable meal hour so that I don't have to figure out how or what to feed them. 

And this is me...The one who loves to feed people. The person who has always been complimented on how welcome she makes people feel. The girl who thought hospitality might be one of her gifts. I've turned into the person who can come up with at least five excuses of reasons NOT to invite people over for dinner without even trying. I've turned into the person who guards the nights we have at home to ourselves because they seem to be so few and far between. I've turned into the person who doesn't see interruptions the way Jesus taught His disciples to. And I don't like it. 

I'm beginning to see now that I am in desperate need of God's grace where hospitality is concerned. He's shown me that there will ALWAYS be strength for the work He calls me to. And I want to get this clear, I'm not talking about visiting with widows or taking care of children or feeding homeless people or preparing sermons. I'm talking about staying out at rehearsals and auditions and shows until LATE a bunch of nights in a row. I'm talking about spending anywhere from 1 to 4+ hours in a car in one day driving around in circles getting people to where they need to be. I'm talking about figuring out how to arrange my day around said taxi duties so that the laundry still gets done, the groceries get picked up, and the meals are prepared. I'm talking about being super emotional over the fact that there just doesn't seem to be any time left over to go visit my friends that live only a few hours away. He's granted me strength and shown me that every ounce of it came from Him just when I needed it. I trust that He's about to do the same thing with hospitality. 

Funny that He would choose one (a story about rest) to introduce the other (a lesson on hospitality). That's how He works, you guys. Here a little, there a little. He calls us to BE His people and then He shows us how. 

I don't have the answers. I know what Mark 6 and Medearis have made me WANT to do. I know that I want to stay in the Word. I know that I want to continue consciously basking in the light that God is to His people so that it becomes a habit. I know that I want to take time each day to quiet my soul before Him. And now, I know that I want to view interruptions the way He does and to use them the way He would, as though they are part of the plan. After all, they are. Like one of my favorite Southern Gals always says, "There is no plan B with God." 

I'm writing this on March 9 and by the time you read this, I'll be with friends in MA who are like family. I've had a lot of those over the years and each and every one of them has opened up their home, their family, and their dinner table to me on countless occasions. I've had some amazing examples of what it is to be hospitable, but somewhere along the way there was a major disconnect. 

I know it doesn't have to be perfect. I know it doesn't have to be fancy. And I know that God calls His people to imitate Him. So, ask me how it's going when I get home.