While My Mind Remembers

The pull of other places is one I am very familiar with. Ever since moving across the country when I was five, I have known what it is like to long to be somewhere else. Throughout the year I couldn’t wait to go back. When I went back to spend the summers there, I’d be wishing I could return to my Mom and our new life. However much I missed one place, getting there would only make me realize I wanted the other too.

I learned that you can’t be everywhere, with everyone, no matter how much you might want to...

I want to be able to go to that brick house at the bottom of the hill and find my Mom’s parents still sitting in their chairs watching a ball game. I want to be able to walk down the hall to find my Grandma sitting at the kitchen table with her coffee and orange juice and rice krispies and my Ghiddu at the stove stirring cream of wheat. I want to load up their car and go for a drive to visit one of my aunts and find all of the cousins there ready for a swim in the pool.

I want to get on a plane and go to Cape Cod to find my bedroom at the top of the stairs with the lace curtains and the beach theme. I want to wake up to the sound of the fog horn on the barge and decide to take the bikes out on the shining sea trail. I want to get a call from my friend Shauna asking if I want to go walk on the canal or meet up with Rachael at her house. I want to make my way down to the beach with Hannah or just sit in the living room watching Monk reruns with her parents after sitting around the table long after dinner is over and heading to the kitchen to clean up the mess from earlier. I want it to be October, the tourists to be gone, the neighborhood kids to be out in the street playing hockey, and I want to go to Friendly’s for an ice cream cone after a day of teaching.

I want it to be summer and I want to head to the ranch to find all of my friends waiting for a retreat. I want to go in the kitchen to find Darlene and Anna and Ruth working away. To head out to the swings to find Dennis quietly tending to his flowers while Verle stands by munching on popcorn. I want to play volleyball until we can’t see the ball anymore and then move into the multipurpose building to play rummy.

I want to go work in the ringy dingy garden WITH Alice. And when every ring is clean and all the vegetables are picked, I want to come up with ten more jobs that don’t really need doing just so we can spend more time together. I want to hear her stories and learn more of the wisdom she has to share.

Sometimes I even want to walk home from school with Jordan to find my brother and sister waiting for me. I want them to come into my room and sit on the floor while I do my homework. I want to make macaroni and cheese or peanut butter and jelly for three and watch whatever they want to watch on the little tv in the kitchen. I want to load them up in the stroller and take a long walk to anywhere.

I want to sit on the porch swing stringing beans with my Granny on a hot summer day hearing stories about the devil (that’s another one for another day). To load up the car with my Dad and his parents to head to my aunt’s condo at the beach where we’ll spend our days in the sand and our evenings walking around the deserted streets or watching Shirley Temple. I want to eat bacon sandwiches with carrots and ranch or drink ice cold YooHoos with my brother.

I want to get off the bus and run over to Terry’s house to play with hot wheels underneath that big pine tree or maybe watch his rats play in their little cage. I want to race my brother on bikes around and around the house or play baseball in the side yard. I want to sit on the dog house with fishing poles pretending we’re on a boat in the ocean.

I long for plenty of places…but mostly, I long for the people that I knew in each one.

Some of the people are gone, some have grown up or grown old, but every single one of them hold places in my mind. Those are places that I can go back to, at least for now, while my mind remembers. As long as it doesn’t forget, I have a feeling I’ll be taking a lot of trips. 

This post may look and sound a bit different than what you usually find here. It's a response to the prompt: "Often we feel pulled between two places...Tell us about them. Give us the pull, the conflict, the desire. " 

This post is part of the "Old Friend from Far Away" writing exercises I've decided to do. Find out more about these exercises by clicking HERE. 

Missing Bookmarks

During college my reading habits changed. As an education major at a Christian college, many of my classes revolved around "real books". For the first time in my life I always had a stack that I was reading at any given moment. 

My college years were spent reading and summarizing and writing paper after paper. I pretty much loved it. Even so, I wasn't reading anything extra. When I had a free moment I wanted to get outside, to interact with people; I was looking for anything that didn't involve more words on a page.

I still remember the first summer I had off. I spent so much time out on the back patio on my lawn chair reading anything and everything. I count that summer of 2009 as the summer I  realized just how much books have to offer.

College had me reading and yet it kept me from reading. College taught me to have several books going at once. College taught me how much I enjoy reading and how much I miss it when I don't do it. 

Reading is a privilege and a delight. There is something about quieting down in order to take in a story or a lesson or a memory that has been recorded. There is a certain companionship to be found in the pages of the volumes on our shelves.

My favorite place to read is outside on a warm day. The time does not matter, just give me a book and something cool to drink and I'll be content.

This post may look and sound a bit different than what you usually find here. It's a response to the prompt: "Tell about periods where you haven't read. What were you doing? When and where do you read best?" 

This post is part of the "Old Friend from Far Away" writing exercises I've decided to do. Find out more about these exercises by clicking HERE. 

Beyond the Wooden Blinds

*ps

When I was ten or eleven years old, I was assigned the task of selling things to raise money for school. Along with the other students, I sold things like calendars, magazine subscriptions, and chocolates. I always dreaded that time of year. No reward could inspire me to work very hard at knocking on doors to get more sales. I did always attempt to get at least a few sales.

My friend Jordan and I would go out together because that was rule number. She would take one side of the street and I would take the other. I would also take any houses that she did not want to approach. Two stand out in my mind. Jordan didn't want to go up to the one because "a witch lived there" and I can't remember why she didn't want to go to the other one. Whatever her reason, I would go up to the porch while she waited out on the sidewalk where it was safe.

Those two stand out in my memory because she was afraid and I ended up breaking more rules...Both of those ladies invited me into their homes. Being the wise, safe, careful child that I was, I was too embarrassed not to go in. I looked back at Jordan and followed the ladies inside.

One of the ladies was named Bunny. I remember a few things about the inside of her house. She had wooden blinds on all of her windows and they were slanted to just barely let light in. Bunny's house was dark, very cluttered, and a little dusty, but what I remember most was a feeling of loneliness. It was so quiet and there were no messes and the lack of light made me feel like I had just gone back in time.

Bunny did buy a subscription or two that day, but really, she just wanted to talk. I stood there awkwardly in her living room not knowing what to do. I was in a stranger's house all by myself. It was dark and quiet and a little eery. She seemed so nice and old and I didn't feel like I was in any danger, but I was completely disregarding all of the rules I had been taught.

I've never forgotten Bunny. She still lives there in that little house. I've never been back and I've never seen her since that day. Every once in a while, I walk by and I wonder if she's sitting on the other side of those same wooden blinds looking out. I wonder what she's thinking. I wonder how old she is and if it's gotten hard for her to get around.

A lot has changed in my life since I went to Bunny's house that day. The growing up years are defined by regular times of change. While they're going by they seem to take forever. Then, before we know it, all the milestones have happened. The years have flown by even though the days seemed to drag on and on.

While Bunny has been living a quiet, slow, and probably very lonely life, my teen years flew by, I've graduated high school, I've traveled to all of the places I dreamed of traveling, I've made new sets of friends with each season of my life, and now I'm finally beginning to realize what actually matters.

When we are young, life is an adventure. I can't help but think that for people like Bunny, life has become something to endure.

The older we get, the changes in life begin to slow down. We do all the things that we hoped to do or we realize that some of them really didn't matter after all.

It turns out, I know a lot of Bunnys and I also know a lot of kids who just can't wait for the next big milestone in their life to happen. While the kids are wishing away the now, the Bunnys are sitting around remembering the "thens".

Maybe now isn't something to wish away. Maybe it's alright to realize that our lives don't have to be fast, popular, or emulated. If only I realized what has been happening in the years that have passed since I was ten.

They were exciting. They were full. They didn't need to hurry up.

I know that now.

Life slows down and time continues flying by. It may not seem exciting, but these lives are ours. Whatever they look like, they've been given to us. They are full of opportunities to look around, to learn, and to be amazed at all that God has done.

When I pass by the house where Bunny lives, I am reminded of my prayer for her and for all of the children that play on the sidewalks bordering her house and all of the men and women who drive by in a hurry to do the next thing.

While Bunny spends her days living in that dark, cluttered, dusty house looking out through the wooden blinds,  she is surrounded by joy and sorrow and people who are growing up and growing old right alongside of her.

My prayer is this, may the people living in this world be able to see beyond the wooden blinds and the dust and the corners and the achievements and the fears and the disappointments in order to see the hand of God in a way that makes them trust and delight and hope in Him.

This post may look and sound a bit different than what you usually find here. This post is a response to the prompt: "What's been on your mind? What have you carried and gnawed over?"

It's part of the "Old Friend from Far Away" writing exercises I've decided to do. Find out more about these exercises by clicking HERE. 

*ps the photo at the top of this post is not Bunny's house. It's just a picture during some of my travels. 

The Day "One Day" Arrived

 The view from my desk this morning.

Last fall I read a novel that stirred my need to write back to life. (In case you're wondering, the novel  was "Full Disclosure" by Dee Henderson.)

2013 was a year that I took the time to really read. As everyone says, the secret to writing is reading. But I hardly wrote anything last year. The need was still there, but I denied it from surfacing. I hear the voices of my old teachers, the dean of my college, and my Mom telling me, "You NEED to write." My reply has always been, "Oh, maybe one day." The voices are there and the days have turned into years. I'd like to be done saying one day.

After a year of keeping a collection of quotes from writers about writing, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would begin writing again when spring came. I aimed at reading books by writers about writing, going through resources on writing, and taking the time to write and edit and process things through the exercise of getting alone to create with the written word.

If writing is something you're passionate about, it's something very difficult to deny. Even when you're not writing, the words and stories and observations are there. Everything you hear and see and do are there in your mind being summed up, the words rearranged over and over again until they sound just right.

This week over on her blog, Megan made a similar commitment to herself. For now, she's chosen three prompts from a book called "Old Friend from Far Away" by Natalie Goldberg.

I'll be using my blog as an outlet for my attempts with the prompts that Megan chose. They'll be marked "Old Friend from Far Away" or OFFA.

Megan and I have very different lives, but the truth is, there is a soul in us which is very much the same. It's a soul moved by words - written and read. It's a kind of soul that I've seen in other people too.

Even though my room is still a SHAMBLES ( the current contents of it include a shop vac, extension cord, ladder, stuff draped in sheets, no light fixture, etc.) I moved a table in yesterday so that I will have a place to keep all my notes. I read and write EVERYWHERE, but I really like having a place to keep everything undisturbed. I put the table near an outlet and positioned it so that I can look out the window. I am ready to begin!

With that, my "spring writing challenge" will begin on Monday. Hope to see you then!

February 17: What's been on your mind? What have you carried and gnawed over? (OFFA, p. 154)
February 24: Tell about periods where you haven't read. What were you doing? Where and when do you read best? (OFFA, p.160)