Living That Way

February 15, 2013

It's the second day of a new year. The first day of business as usual. It's time to get ourselves back together and resume the lives we were leading before we got all distracted by all of the holiday shenanigans.

As I've clicked around the internet the last few days, I've seen post after post about what people are hoping for and planning to accomplish in this new year. Some have been super heartfelt, some have been very practical pieces offering five simple steps to take with you, and others have been quick little reflections.

They all got me thinking.

For one thing, I'm actually pretty happy with who I am and where I am and the habits I call my own. I'm always hearing people ragging on themselves about how they just don't sleep enough or don't drink enough water or would love to exercise, but just can't find the time. I hear them talk about how they procrastinate and hate cooking and cleaning and keeping up on life's minutiae. Every time I hear these kinds of comments I think, "WHY? How hard is it to do what's important to you, especially when you know it'll be good for you?"

I've never stopped someone mid rant. I've never looked at them with raised eyebrows and exclaimed, "Wow. You're a mess." I mean, that's what they're trying to tell me. They're a mess and they know it. And they want to change it. Only, they don't realllly want to. Otherwise, they would.

It's the second day of a new year and I'm in a different place than I have been in over two years. I have a contract waiting for my signature. Once I sign my name to the solid line, I'll know for sure, that I will be in this town at least until the spring of 2019.

Ever since August of 2015, I've been in this weird in-between place. At first, I thought my life was going to consist of going back and forth between The Queen's Cottage and our old town every three months or so. Then, it became clear that that wasn't going to happen, but I assumed that eventually we'd go back for an extended period of time. And then, we never did. We only went back to pack up the house and within a few months, we had a buyer. By the fall of 2016, they had the keys. After that, reality started to sink in. We didn't live in that town anymore. We LIVED here now. This was truly my next "home for now" place.

I wondered how long we'd be here. I gave up on finding my people even though I'd kind of found them like three times over again. I pushed my arms out and went back to being the homebody I used to be. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I volunteered and drove all over hill and dale getting people to where they needed to be. For all the changes and uncertainty, I took a lot of comfort in the fact that MY daily life hadn't changed much at all. I clung to the familiar rhythms of cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and doing laundry and having a garden.

And then, in the summer of 2017 I did a few things for myself. I entertained the possibility of working outside the home and just as fall was getting started, I agreed to two positions. We took a break from theatre and I took a break from every non-essential while I threw myself into figuring out how to do MOST of what I had already done as well as I could now that I had about half as much time to do it in. It wasn't a difficult adjustment. My family is great and I didn't have a choice other than to be patient with myself.

Anyway...Back to this whole new years thing. I know I'm not anywhere close to perfect, but I'm actually pretty happy with who I am and how I spend my time. For the first time in two years I have a bit of a long range picture of where I will be and I've finally agreed to do a few things while I'm here.

I won't be trying to get to bed earlier or to drink more water or to be more active. I won't be trying to buy less junk food and more produce or spend less time on the internet. I won't be trying to read my Bible regularly or spend time actually praying for the people I told I'd be praying for. I certainly won't be trying to lose weight or do a better job of eating out less. I won't be trying to care about people more or doing better at putting them first. And the fact that I can honestly say all of that has me grateful. It's nothing to brag about. It's not because I'm this awesome person who has it all together. The steadiness in my life isn't a work of my own drive or makeup or effort.

All of it, every good habit, every smile, every ounce of dedication, all the willingness to pursue and apply wisdom come straight from God. It's His grace poured out and worked out in me. All I have to do is look to Him in eager expectation and keep looking and then obey.  And even those things come from Him.

So many of us run from living that way. It boils down to thinking that our way will be better and make us happier. We can't and won't follow Him until we hear Him beckoning to us.

I'm going into 2018 with a single word on my mind and the resolve to keep pressing on. One day at a time. One good habit at a time. Sure, there are things that I can work on and I'll  be sure to do that. As I do, there will be one line running through my head, namely, it's God that's getting me through.

On Faith

April 11, 2017

"By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son, of whom it was said, 'Through Isaac shall your offspring be had.' He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking he did receive him back."
Hebrews 11: 17 & 18

Faith is a word that carries a lot of meaning in the mind of the Christian. It is by faith that we became Christians. It is by faith that we attempt to live. It is something that we admire in one another and esteem pretty highly as far as virtues go.

We know people who pray about everything from parking places and food to the church around the world and concerns in the lives of people that they know. We know people whose every word of advice comes straight from Scripture. We know people whose very countenance is like a breath of fresh air. We know them and we long to be like them.

Last week, I had three different conversations about faith. As it usually goes when a theme shows up, I didn't go looking for it. Three different people brought faith up and had specific things to say about it. I listened and smiled and tucked the conversations away. Abraham came up multiple times, so I went digging for his story. We've heard it so many times and encouraged one another with it, but it was time for me to go back to look it over with fresh eyes.

Abraham's life illustrates the hand of God in the lives of His people. God tells His people to have faith and then He shows them how. He tests that faith and, if I'm honest, I don't know exactly what that testing looks like or how to recognize it. I only know that I know faith when I see it and that faith in the face of real life is absolutely beautiful.

Abraham believed. His faith prepared him to obey. Time and time again, he didn't know how it was going to work out, he only knew that it would. And that's what we need. We need to be patient. We need to believe. God will make a way, even when there doesn't seem to be any way. What is meant to be, will be.

There's more to this theme and we'll come back to it another day. For now, I just wanted to get some words on faith down. I don't know what you're going through or what you're waiting on. I don't know what God is calling you to bear or to enjoy. But, I know this: God means for His people to be men and women whose lives are marked by faith.

He may keep you waiting. He may call you to endure more than you think you can. Faith is about looking to God no matter what. It leads to obedience and peace and joy. Circumstances can really mix us up, but remembering that they are all in His hands means that we can face them with our chins up and shoulders straight. What is meant to be, will be.

May we have the faith that looks to God and to the day at hand with confidence in His good plan. May this faith stir up the kind of obedience that delights in God even when that seems hard or impossible. May our waiting and enduring and enjoying and obeying make it possible for those around us to say of us, "By faith ______, when ______, ______." It's been said of many before us and will be said of many after us. God is seeing to it. Remember that.

Whose faith do you admire? 

Basking With Dickinson

Here's a post I've had sitting around in my drafts folder since Jan. 5. Enjoy!

March 30, 2017

I see thee better in the dark, 
I do not need a light.
The love of thee a prism be
Excelling violet.

I see thee better for the years
That hunch themselves between, 
The miner's lamp sufficient be
To nullify the mine.

And in the grave I see thee best-
Its little panels be
Aglow, all ruddy with the light
I held so high for thee!

What need of day to those whose dark
Hath so surpassing sun,
It deem it be continually
At the meridian? - Emily Dickinson

If you've been around here for a while, you'll remember that I've gotten into poetry over the last few years and that however cliche it sounds, Dickinson is one of my favorite poets. I meandered over to the poetry section at the library on the last day of the year and came away with a small volume of her poems in my hand. I devoured a good bit of it while I waited for my Mom to get off of work.

The sun was shining as I sat in the van reading poem after poem. When I got to this particular poem, I stopped and read it through several more times. In these four stanzas, Dickinson had captured what I had been learning from God. It goes along so well with my word for 2017 that I had to share it here with all of you.

Oh, that I would be one whose dark had a sun that made it seem as though I lived right at the equator (or as I have since learned, that "meridian" can refer to the noonday sun). As one of God's own, I DO have such a sun. My prayer for this year is that I would bask in it whatever darkness threatens to draw me away.

Have you read any poems that are especially good lately? 

Has your word been showing up? 

One Year Later

April 20, 2014

Having just celebrated Easter with my new church family, I am overflowing with praise to God for the gift of other Christians. I don't doubt that many of you share my gratefulness for solid brothers and sisters in Christ. Some of you know the struggle that comes with yearning for and asking God to grant you a church home. It is a familiarity with that longing that convinced me of the NEED for regular communion with other Christians.

You see, aside from a short stint when I lived in Massachusetts, I've never been a part of a solid local body of believers. It got to the point where I went over four years without even going to church. The story of that period is a long one, but it boils down to a period in my life where the only option was a church that was not true to or enamored with the Word of God. During that time, I stayed as close as I could to God and I never stopped asking Him to grant me people who LOVE Him. I spent a lot of time at the Ranch and with Jay and Alice and Al and those in person times of Christian fellowship were beyond sweet. For several years, I missed having a church and felt really silly when people asked me about what church I was a part of and having to tell them that I wasn't. If I'm honest, it mostly felt really good not to have that area of battling with people who should have known better in my life any more.

Eventually, the whole not having a church thing started to really bother me. I missed what I had in Massachusetts and I craved a body of local believers the way that many people crave marriage or a baby. I cannot express to you just how overcome I was with this longing. Last Easter that longing came to a head. On Palm Sunday, I wrote this post and then I visited my parents' church for Holy Week services only to be reminded of the gut wrenching words that came from the pulpit there. On Easter Sunday, I sat out on the back patio at our house listening to the church bells ring. It was a beautiful spring day and I was just coming to the end of a journal. I poured myself out to God in prayer. By the time I gathered my things and went back into the house, my soul was refreshed. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I had submitted this area of concern to Him. I was honest with myself, with Him, and full of confidence in whatever it was that He had in store. 

One year later, Easter rolled around and everything was so different. On Sunday I stood surrounded by this new body that I've been a part of since the end of August. The voices cascading over me as we sang "Christ The Lord Is Risen Today" were enough to make me sing this familiar song with all that I had in me. As we joined together to read Psalm 2 and hear the preaching about being glad in God, I was sitting in my seat overflowing with gladness. When the bread and the wine were passed around, I feasted on my Lord and His faithfulness. Though God didn't have to grant me a church or make it possible for me to have a place in it, He has. Those years of living where I grew up have given me so very much to be grateful for, the main ones being the walk with God that I have, dependence on Him, and a strong conviction for the absolute necessity of regular communion with other Christians. 

Wherever you are, please do not take God's charge to meet with other Christians lightly. As with all of His commands, this one is for your good. Seek out people who love God and whose delight is found in His Word. Praise God and pray for churches full of these kinds of people. I still have to finish the "Strategies for Beholding" series, but until then, it is my hope that this testimony of God's grace will remind you of the gift that we Christians are to one another. 

How has God's grace shown up in your life recently?

Today

August 9, 2014

Yesterday morning, I wrote that post about God's people knowing His voice.

Today, I have been bombarded with the news that "love wins". Over the last few months, this issue has been something that cannot be ignored any longer....While so many people are celebrating, my soul is grieving.

I don't want this to be true of America. I don't want my children to grow up in a society like this. I want to wake up tomorrow and be told that it was all a big mistake.

But it is true, our society is following the desires of their hearts, and if tomorrow comes, it will all be the same.

This is America and she is in rebellion to God. This is the America that has forgotten who she is and what her founders designed her to be.

God said that this would happen (Romans 1:18-32). God is not surprised. God is not standing with His hands in the air.

Tonight, the grief has reached a high. My friends and family are joining in on the celebration. I hoped over to my blog to re-read the last post (I do that to edit any errors) and you know what...The words that I wrote yesterday morning were just what my soul needed to hear tonight.

We must not give up. We must not back down. The Shepherd is gathering His sheep and they'll know Him when they hear Him.

They'll Know Him When They Hear Him

March 3, 2015

"...and the sheep follow Him, for they know His voice." John 10:4

This verse carries so much meaning. As sheep, it assures us that our Shepherd knows us and that we know Him and will follow Him. As people with good news to bring to the world, it assures us that when a sheep hears, they'll recognize the voice of their Shepherd echoing in the words that we bring to them.

I heard an evangelist say, "I only work with people that God has already been working with." He went on to explain that as he ministers to people, it's only the ones that have been wrestling with God for a while who come to find him or make the phone call to ask to meet with him again. He spends a lot of time bringing the Gospel to people in his town, but he doesn't expect it to appeal to everyone.

I'm always saying that God is laboring for His people. Chapters like John 10 assure me that this is really true. This particular passage jumped out at me weeks ago and I just keep coming back to it in my mind. "The know His voice" is something every Christian can relate to. 

May this verse carry us through the roughest of times and be our joy in the best of times. May this verse inform the way that we serve other people, especially as we are able to share the gospel with them. 

Don't give up. Don't back down. The Shepherd is gathering His sheep and they'll know Him when they hear Him.

Still Grateful

Knowing God is the greatest joy of my life. Spending eternity in His presence is what keeps me going. There was a time when I didn't know why I existed or why my life was so hard. I became a Christian at a VBS program when I was 9 years old. They told me to read my Bible, pray, and go to church. I did that. I tried to be even better than I was before. I had a certain sense of peace that was new, but life was still miserable and I was certain that something was missing.

Everything changed during the summer that I was 15. A man named Greg helped his son Josh and his friend Adam put on a conference. Together, along with material from John Piper and RC Sproul, these men brought me face to face with the glory of God. For the first time in my life, the Scriptures that I had been underlining in the magazine style Bible my Mom had given me began to come together. I realized that the glory of God was what was missing from my Christianity. I remember being so glad to finally SEE, but also so mad that nobody had told me this before. I wondered how I had been a Christian for six years without being told the rest of the story (or really seeing it for myself).

From that moment on, I was sure to share what I had learned with anyone who would listen. I started my first blog after returning from that conference. Any chance I was given to turn the conversation or to lead a group always had me pointing people to the "WHY"  behind everything and the answer to the "Now what?" question that I had been struggling with for so long. I was grateful to those men for defining the glory of God and helping me to see that I was made to see that glory and savor it and declare it.

Nine summers later, I'm still grateful. My life and my Christianity were changed. I recently came across this post on Desiring God that took me right back to the moment when God opened my eyes:

A lot has changed over the last nine summers. In fact, I can hardly believe everything that has happened as I look back on them all. One thing remains them same, namely, the reality of the glory of God being the end all and be all of my life. My fight against sin continues, but that summer I learned that I don't fight alone. God is fighting with me and for me. He has given me everything I need and everything I'm striving for, in Himself. As I press on in Him, His glory is displayed.

"In love He predestined us for the adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved." 

Ephesians 1:5-6

Two - Four

So, two weeks ago, I turned 24 and had a party and made my favorite bundt cake (recipe to come!!!).
 
When it came time to add another number to my age this year, I had a lot of thoughts. This has been a year when God has been teaching me that:

to behold is to become

to become you must behold

we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. 

(2 Cor. 3:18)

Everywhere I turn, I am reading or hearing someone say some variation of those phrases.

If you've been around here for a while, you know that my greatest joy and aspiration in life is to become like my Savior. He is my only hope. He is my anchor. He is my guide. I love knowing that God has committed Himself to helping me to see His glory and to use that sight to make me more like Jesus Christ.

I've been coming to this space for years now to share some of these glimpses and to share the highs (and lows) of life.

23 was a pretty awesome year. I really don't think 24 can even compete.

God is still teaching me this "to behold is to become" business, so I must have a lot more to get to the bottom of.

During my last week of 23,  I read a book that Jay brought back from his trip to Florida this year. The book is "The Evangelistic Zeal of George Whitefield" by Steven J. Lawson. I love reading about people who truly were committed to God and depended on Him with every fiber of their being. Whitefield was such a man.

Did you know that someone tried to attack him in his bed?

Did you know that he preached tirelessly until his dying day?

Did you know that he is probably the reason why Phyllis Wheatley ended up published?

As I reflect on 23 and embrace 24, I continue about the business of setting my hope in God. I thank Him for these men who have honored His name above their own. I pray that I would behold Him and that beholding Him I would be transformed. I pray that I would have the same wherewithal that drove Whitefield until his last so that wherever life takes, I can truly say, "I will fear no evil". I pray that the words of my mouth would be a fountain of life and that my influence would inspire many to join in on the praises of our great God.

What has God been teaching you this year?

How many candles are on YOUR cake?

My Victory In Jesus: A Link- Up

When I think about my victory in Jesus Christ, I can only think back as far as the day that I became aware of it…

I was 9 years old, attending a VBS that I begged not to attend, and living a life that I wished not to live. The teacher chose to focus on God’s love and the free gift of eternal life that He holds out to people. On Thursday or Friday, I “opened” that gift that she and God placed before me and that moment is what I consider the beginning of my conscious walking with God.

I didn’t come to Christ scared of hell or even all that aware of my sin.

I came to Christ bearing the burden of life on this earth. Coming to Christ did not make my troubles go away or my life easier.

Over the next few years I began to do the things that they told us to do: read your Bible, pray, and go to Church. The next year, my parents were saved. I began to question what was REALLY next. I was doing all of those things that Christians do. With the help of my Mom I was not doing the things that a lot of my friends were doing. The flack started and that’s when I really began to question what was supposed to be next. I liked getting to know God and doing what pleased Him. I wanted to know Him better and do more of what He called His people to do. 

All through jr. high, I struggled my way through figuring things out. What SHOULD my life look like? What SHOULD I do after high school? I slowly started filling my time with things other than the friends that just wanted me to be like them and talk a whole lot less about this “Jesus”.

The summer that I was 15, I had the opportunity to go to a camp that taught me about that next “now what”. The camp turned out to be a spiritual bootcamp. It left several hundred teenagers TIRED at the end of the day and turning off our own lights before the 10:30 “lights out”. We spent most of the days in lectures, small group discussions, and mandatory silences where we were supposed to meet with God on our own. There were times for games and there was plenty of food, but what most of us were wanting more of was simply God Himself.

After that week I went home finally GETTING that I was created and saved and still on this earth for God’s glory. In fact, I learned that EVERYTHING in this earth is MAINLY about God’s glory. 



With a lecture by Dr. R.C. Sproul, I saw that God is “holy, holy, holy.”

With a lecture by Dr. John Piper, I saw that “God is more glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”

Those verses that I had been reading in 1 Corinthians and Ephesians and Romans and Galatians and Colossians and James all came together and I realized that life is about living to know God and to make Him known. I realized what treasure I had in Christ and why it is necessary to continue life on this earth.

From 15 on, I began to focus on Biblical womanhood, studying God’s Word, and looking for His hand in everything. To be honest, I became a little proud and arrogant. For once in my life I was SURE of something and SURE that it would NEVER be shaken. It felt really good!

Just before I turned 20, I moved away from home to do some student teaching. On that trip, my convictions were made more sure and I got the chance to be humbled. I was still SURE, but I learned how to be graceful about it.

Next month I’ll turn 24. I’m still getting that graceful thing down. I’m still enthralled with the glory of God and excited to be on mission through Him, for Him, and by Him. I’m still living a victory that is only mine in Jesus Christ. Life still isn’t easy and I still have to remind myself that EVERYTHING exists for the glory of God.

Before you go, Jenna and I would love to have you link up with a post about YOUR victory in Jesus!!!

Grab a button if you'd like:

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