Living That Way

February 15, 2013

It's the second day of a new year. The first day of business as usual. It's time to get ourselves back together and resume the lives we were leading before we got all distracted by all of the holiday shenanigans.

As I've clicked around the internet the last few days, I've seen post after post about what people are hoping for and planning to accomplish in this new year. Some have been super heartfelt, some have been very practical pieces offering five simple steps to take with you, and others have been quick little reflections.

They all got me thinking.

For one thing, I'm actually pretty happy with who I am and where I am and the habits I call my own. I'm always hearing people ragging on themselves about how they just don't sleep enough or don't drink enough water or would love to exercise, but just can't find the time. I hear them talk about how they procrastinate and hate cooking and cleaning and keeping up on life's minutiae. Every time I hear these kinds of comments I think, "WHY? How hard is it to do what's important to you, especially when you know it'll be good for you?"

I've never stopped someone mid rant. I've never looked at them with raised eyebrows and exclaimed, "Wow. You're a mess." I mean, that's what they're trying to tell me. They're a mess and they know it. And they want to change it. Only, they don't realllly want to. Otherwise, they would.

It's the second day of a new year and I'm in a different place than I have been in over two years. I have a contract waiting for my signature. Once I sign my name to the solid line, I'll know for sure, that I will be in this town at least until the spring of 2019.

Ever since August of 2015, I've been in this weird in-between place. At first, I thought my life was going to consist of going back and forth between The Queen's Cottage and our old town every three months or so. Then, it became clear that that wasn't going to happen, but I assumed that eventually we'd go back for an extended period of time. And then, we never did. We only went back to pack up the house and within a few months, we had a buyer. By the fall of 2016, they had the keys. After that, reality started to sink in. We didn't live in that town anymore. We LIVED here now. This was truly my next "home for now" place.

I wondered how long we'd be here. I gave up on finding my people even though I'd kind of found them like three times over again. I pushed my arms out and went back to being the homebody I used to be. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I volunteered and drove all over hill and dale getting people to where they needed to be. For all the changes and uncertainty, I took a lot of comfort in the fact that MY daily life hadn't changed much at all. I clung to the familiar rhythms of cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and doing laundry and having a garden.

And then, in the summer of 2017 I did a few things for myself. I entertained the possibility of working outside the home and just as fall was getting started, I agreed to two positions. We took a break from theatre and I took a break from every non-essential while I threw myself into figuring out how to do MOST of what I had already done as well as I could now that I had about half as much time to do it in. It wasn't a difficult adjustment. My family is great and I didn't have a choice other than to be patient with myself.

Anyway...Back to this whole new years thing. I know I'm not anywhere close to perfect, but I'm actually pretty happy with who I am and how I spend my time. For the first time in two years I have a bit of a long range picture of where I will be and I've finally agreed to do a few things while I'm here.

I won't be trying to get to bed earlier or to drink more water or to be more active. I won't be trying to buy less junk food and more produce or spend less time on the internet. I won't be trying to read my Bible regularly or spend time actually praying for the people I told I'd be praying for. I certainly won't be trying to lose weight or do a better job of eating out less. I won't be trying to care about people more or doing better at putting them first. And the fact that I can honestly say all of that has me grateful. It's nothing to brag about. It's not because I'm this awesome person who has it all together. The steadiness in my life isn't a work of my own drive or makeup or effort.

All of it, every good habit, every smile, every ounce of dedication, all the willingness to pursue and apply wisdom come straight from God. It's His grace poured out and worked out in me. All I have to do is look to Him in eager expectation and keep looking and then obey.  And even those things come from Him.

So many of us run from living that way. It boils down to thinking that our way will be better and make us happier. We can't and won't follow Him until we hear Him beckoning to us.

I'm going into 2018 with a single word on my mind and the resolve to keep pressing on. One day at a time. One good habit at a time. Sure, there are things that I can work on and I'll  be sure to do that. As I do, there will be one line running through my head, namely, it's God that's getting me through.