Living That Way

February 15, 2013

It's the second day of a new year. The first day of business as usual. It's time to get ourselves back together and resume the lives we were leading before we got all distracted by all of the holiday shenanigans.

As I've clicked around the internet the last few days, I've seen post after post about what people are hoping for and planning to accomplish in this new year. Some have been super heartfelt, some have been very practical pieces offering five simple steps to take with you, and others have been quick little reflections.

They all got me thinking.

For one thing, I'm actually pretty happy with who I am and where I am and the habits I call my own. I'm always hearing people ragging on themselves about how they just don't sleep enough or don't drink enough water or would love to exercise, but just can't find the time. I hear them talk about how they procrastinate and hate cooking and cleaning and keeping up on life's minutiae. Every time I hear these kinds of comments I think, "WHY? How hard is it to do what's important to you, especially when you know it'll be good for you?"

I've never stopped someone mid rant. I've never looked at them with raised eyebrows and exclaimed, "Wow. You're a mess." I mean, that's what they're trying to tell me. They're a mess and they know it. And they want to change it. Only, they don't realllly want to. Otherwise, they would.

It's the second day of a new year and I'm in a different place than I have been in over two years. I have a contract waiting for my signature. Once I sign my name to the solid line, I'll know for sure, that I will be in this town at least until the spring of 2019.

Ever since August of 2015, I've been in this weird in-between place. At first, I thought my life was going to consist of going back and forth between The Queen's Cottage and our old town every three months or so. Then, it became clear that that wasn't going to happen, but I assumed that eventually we'd go back for an extended period of time. And then, we never did. We only went back to pack up the house and within a few months, we had a buyer. By the fall of 2016, they had the keys. After that, reality started to sink in. We didn't live in that town anymore. We LIVED here now. This was truly my next "home for now" place.

I wondered how long we'd be here. I gave up on finding my people even though I'd kind of found them like three times over again. I pushed my arms out and went back to being the homebody I used to be. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I volunteered and drove all over hill and dale getting people to where they needed to be. For all the changes and uncertainty, I took a lot of comfort in the fact that MY daily life hadn't changed much at all. I clung to the familiar rhythms of cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and doing laundry and having a garden.

And then, in the summer of 2017 I did a few things for myself. I entertained the possibility of working outside the home and just as fall was getting started, I agreed to two positions. We took a break from theatre and I took a break from every non-essential while I threw myself into figuring out how to do MOST of what I had already done as well as I could now that I had about half as much time to do it in. It wasn't a difficult adjustment. My family is great and I didn't have a choice other than to be patient with myself.

Anyway...Back to this whole new years thing. I know I'm not anywhere close to perfect, but I'm actually pretty happy with who I am and how I spend my time. For the first time in two years I have a bit of a long range picture of where I will be and I've finally agreed to do a few things while I'm here.

I won't be trying to get to bed earlier or to drink more water or to be more active. I won't be trying to buy less junk food and more produce or spend less time on the internet. I won't be trying to read my Bible regularly or spend time actually praying for the people I told I'd be praying for. I certainly won't be trying to lose weight or do a better job of eating out less. I won't be trying to care about people more or doing better at putting them first. And the fact that I can honestly say all of that has me grateful. It's nothing to brag about. It's not because I'm this awesome person who has it all together. The steadiness in my life isn't a work of my own drive or makeup or effort.

All of it, every good habit, every smile, every ounce of dedication, all the willingness to pursue and apply wisdom come straight from God. It's His grace poured out and worked out in me. All I have to do is look to Him in eager expectation and keep looking and then obey.  And even those things come from Him.

So many of us run from living that way. It boils down to thinking that our way will be better and make us happier. We can't and won't follow Him until we hear Him beckoning to us.

I'm going into 2018 with a single word on my mind and the resolve to keep pressing on. One day at a time. One good habit at a time. Sure, there are things that I can work on and I'll  be sure to do that. As I do, there will be one line running through my head, namely, it's God that's getting me through.

The Aim of Grace

June 3, 2016

Yesterday, Amy and I were chatting in the comments of one of her posts and she said some words that reminded me of what God has been teaching me as of late. It's a theme that keeps coming up, so  it's time that I share it with all of you!

Amy said this, "...I'm often reminded that even when we stretch ourselves the Lord continues to fill in the gaps."

And she was right. There is so much that can happen at any given moment. There is so much that IS happening at EVERY given moment. Some of it is wonderful. Some of it is predictable. And some of it is enough to make you want to crawl back into the bed and start over. Whatever is happening, has happened, or will happened, we Christians have a hope in our God that truly is beyond belief.

Our God stands with grace in hand. His people need His grace and He gives it to them as they need it. Grace isn't something we can store up. Grace is granted to us. No more and no less than we need.

A few weeks ago, the familiar passage from 2 Corinthians where Paul talks about God's grace being sufficient came up while the pastor was preaching his sermon. It's been on my mind ever since. God's grace didn't make the hard thing disappear. What God's grace did was give Paul the strength to press on and the humility to know that God was at work.

The same is true for me and for you and for all of God's people. The aim of God's grace isn't to make our lives easier or happier or more comfortable. It doesn't make us perfect. It doesn't make conflicts with difficult people disappear or grant us the ability to deal with them in a way that will keep them from blowing up at us. And it dawned on me that THAT is good news. The good news of God's grace is that it is granted to us to keep us walking with and depending on God.

There's been a lot of stretching going on. And most days it's great, please hear that. I write these things to let you know what's happening with me and to encourage you through the times when you might need to be reminded of truth. On those days when we're sure that this is as far as we can stretch, He's there with the grace we need not to break and crumble and give up. Every time.

"...He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

One Year Later

April 20, 2014

Having just celebrated Easter with my new church family, I am overflowing with praise to God for the gift of other Christians. I don't doubt that many of you share my gratefulness for solid brothers and sisters in Christ. Some of you know the struggle that comes with yearning for and asking God to grant you a church home. It is a familiarity with that longing that convinced me of the NEED for regular communion with other Christians.

You see, aside from a short stint when I lived in Massachusetts, I've never been a part of a solid local body of believers. It got to the point where I went over four years without even going to church. The story of that period is a long one, but it boils down to a period in my life where the only option was a church that was not true to or enamored with the Word of God. During that time, I stayed as close as I could to God and I never stopped asking Him to grant me people who LOVE Him. I spent a lot of time at the Ranch and with Jay and Alice and Al and those in person times of Christian fellowship were beyond sweet. For several years, I missed having a church and felt really silly when people asked me about what church I was a part of and having to tell them that I wasn't. If I'm honest, it mostly felt really good not to have that area of battling with people who should have known better in my life any more.

Eventually, the whole not having a church thing started to really bother me. I missed what I had in Massachusetts and I craved a body of local believers the way that many people crave marriage or a baby. I cannot express to you just how overcome I was with this longing. Last Easter that longing came to a head. On Palm Sunday, I wrote this post and then I visited my parents' church for Holy Week services only to be reminded of the gut wrenching words that came from the pulpit there. On Easter Sunday, I sat out on the back patio at our house listening to the church bells ring. It was a beautiful spring day and I was just coming to the end of a journal. I poured myself out to God in prayer. By the time I gathered my things and went back into the house, my soul was refreshed. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I had submitted this area of concern to Him. I was honest with myself, with Him, and full of confidence in whatever it was that He had in store. 

One year later, Easter rolled around and everything was so different. On Sunday I stood surrounded by this new body that I've been a part of since the end of August. The voices cascading over me as we sang "Christ The Lord Is Risen Today" were enough to make me sing this familiar song with all that I had in me. As we joined together to read Psalm 2 and hear the preaching about being glad in God, I was sitting in my seat overflowing with gladness. When the bread and the wine were passed around, I feasted on my Lord and His faithfulness. Though God didn't have to grant me a church or make it possible for me to have a place in it, He has. Those years of living where I grew up have given me so very much to be grateful for, the main ones being the walk with God that I have, dependence on Him, and a strong conviction for the absolute necessity of regular communion with other Christians. 

Wherever you are, please do not take God's charge to meet with other Christians lightly. As with all of His commands, this one is for your good. Seek out people who love God and whose delight is found in His Word. Praise God and pray for churches full of these kinds of people. I still have to finish the "Strategies for Beholding" series, but until then, it is my hope that this testimony of God's grace will remind you of the gift that we Christians are to one another. 

How has God's grace shown up in your life recently?

At a Stop Light

March 7, 2014

It's Monday evening and I just put a casserole into the oven. This will be the first dinner I've made for my family since Thursday night. We're TIRED around here, but we're not alone. Now I know exactly what the line, "the show must go on!" actually means.

Opening weekend went off without a hitch even though so many of the cast and crew were fighting all kinds of sicknesses. We made it through the last few weeks of rehearsals and the first weekend of performances on pure fumes. It's the Monday I've been looking forward to and I'm STILL running on fumes (and I'm not even IN the show).

We're taking it slow. We're enjoying our first night home in weeks.

With all of this going and going and going, I've seen how fragile I really am. I cannot run on sack lunches or fast food or a number of hours of sleep that just keeps shrinking.

On my way to the store the other day a pastor came on the radio and he was talking about sin. As I sat at a stop light, it hit me...The good news of the Gospel is this: we're sinners and by God's grace and Christ's blood, we're saved. No explanations required. No hiding tolerated. As person after person turned into the lane beside me, I looked each one in the face and wondered about them. Do they feel like they HAVE to have it all together? What would they hide if they could?

And then I asked myself the same question. How much energy do I put into making myself look better than I actually am? Even if it's one second (and it's a lot more than that, I promise you), it's too much.

We're sinners. That means we don't have it together. That means that we all have stuff we'd rather just cover up and gloss over.

By God's grace and Christ's blood, we're saved. No explanations required. No hiding tolerated.

"Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him." John 3:36

Funny what a few minutes at a stop light or driving through the rain can teach you.

I know this isn't the birthday pictures I promised you...I'll be back with those another day!

In Every Season

Nearly 7 years ago, I came across a post that has been challenging me every August since then. The post consisted of these two lines:

"Don’t say 'It’s August? The summer is almost over!'

Rather, ask 'How can I, today, enjoy God’s glory in a way that I can’t in winter?'

Someone named Chris left this comment, "“How can I enjoy God’s glory in these bone chilling temperatures and snowstorms that I can’t in the warm and sunny summers?"

As summer fades and then a few months later as I watch as fall turns to winter, the sick feeling in my stomach is accompanied by a little voice, "How can you glorify God in this season in ways that you can't in the others, Victoria?"

I've put a lot of effort into looking for ways to glorify and enjoy God's glory during the winter. I like to think I've grown a lot, but I also know that I still have a long way to go. It shouldn't surprise you that I was soooo excited about Alicia's course.

On Friday evening I made a batch of enchiladas along with some rice and beans and settled in for my annual viewing of Brigadoon. I nibbled on some Christmas candy and managed to stay awake long enough to see one scene that I had never seen before.

This tradition is one that got started after a particularly rough winter. Christmas was over, but there was no sign of winter letting up. On top of that, I was dealing with the fact that my brother had recently moved to SC. One February evening I curled up on the family room floor with some of my Christmas candy and I've been doing it every February since.

I look forward to setting aside one February night for this tradition because it's the only time I watch Brigadoon. My family kind of groans about it, but I smile and give them the option of joining in or not.

In Christie Purifoy's book  "Roots and Sky", I came across this line, "I would have limited God's glory to sunsets and rainbows...But in August I understand that the earth is full of His glory. It soaks everything, seeps from every seam."

God calls us to glorify Him in everything and at all times. He surrounds us with His glory. He teaches us how to glorify Him. It's imperative that I approach each season with my face turned toward His. Staying in His Word and praying are crucial. After that, I employ Ken's "fake it till you make it" tactic.  My point here is this: There are good things in every season that provide us with unique ways to enjoy the glory of our Creator! Looking for them and nurturing them and then thanking God for them are key ways to receiving them as the gifts that they are.

Here's a list of some "only in winter" things that I  use to glorify God during my least favorite season:

Longer Nights - I learned to appreciate these during the "Domino" winter. Every evening, as darkness fell my Mom, brother, sister, and I would gather in the living room to hang out. We played a lot of dominoes that winter and it was the one that convinced me that it wasn't so hard.

Movie Nights - Movie watching is a great way to spend time with each other. As you know, we do a fair amount of this, especially during the winter.

Fluffy Socks - I actually look forward to pulling out my stash of "winter only" socks.

Hot Drinks - Whether it's a fancy hot coccoa, a peppermint mocha, a cup of tea, or a regular cup of coffee, cooler temps allow for hotter drinks. I take full advantage!

Baking - This hobby of mine gets unleashed when there isn't any danger of heating up the house.

Longer Lasting Manicures - I discovered this one this winter. I haven't been working outside and my nails manage to look nice for most of a week.

Comfort Food - When the weather is cold people are ready to eat! I've got a recipe book full of our favorite recipes to keep their plates full.

Reading - This winter my Mom and I have spent more Sunday afternoons reading than we have in years and it's been really nice. Winter reading  is special because it calls for cozy blankets and a hot drink.

Shoveling Snow -  This is my first time living in a neighborhood that receives serious snow. Over Christmas and New Years I started looking forward to this terrible job....The whole neighborhood seemed to be working together. When Don offered to bring his snowblower over and the morning that I stood outside visiting with our next door neighbors and their company, I was convinced that this job was actually a gift.

There you have it...A rambly post to help you (and ME) make the most of these last few weeks of winter! It's felt a lot more like spring than winter here lately, but my soul needs to be reminded of God's call to glorify Him in every season.
 

What winter things make your list?

Is there a sentence or two that comes back to challenge you at a certain time?

Do you have any late winter traditions?

Six Months To Live

February 8, 2016

Last September, I sat in the front row of a room full of people who had gathered together to celebrate the graduation of 39 men and women who had just completed their training as police officers. An older gentleman sat down beside me and we quickly struck up a conversation. It turns out that his grandson and my brother were from the same department. We talked for quite a while before my Aunt leaned over to make sure he wasn't bothering me. He wasn't. The man was beaming from ear to ear and was eager to tell me all about himself and his grandson. Before we knew it, the graduates were ready to march to the front of the room where they would be recognized for their achievements.

The moment my brother walked up to the stage, I started whooping and hollering at the top of my lungs, just like I used to during his football days. I was prouder than proud and afterwards he told me that he thought all of our family was working together to make all that racket. When I had finished cheering, the man beside me said, "Oh! That was your brother? You shoulda warned me. If I'da known, I'da hollered too!" Needless to say, I gave a couple of cheers when his grandson marched across the stage.

After the ceremony, everyone joined their police officer for pictures and congratulations. From there, the officers wandered around congratulating each other and saying their see ya laters. When we were on our way back to the dorms to pick up my brother's belongings, we passed the old man one more time and congratulated the family. As we were walking away he said, "Goodbye, sister and brother!" And I smiled all over again.

It was raining that day. The same rain that turned into the flood in Columbia less than one week later. But the rain didn't take away from the excitement and the pride and the joy that was floating around that gym.

I got news today that that man's grandson committed suicide yesterday. Last September when we watched him march across the stage, none of us knew that he only had less than six months to live. Nobody knew that this man with a badge and a gun and a bullet proof vest would use a gun to take his own life. None of us knew the pain that he carried with him in his heart. We knew that he was young and had his whole life ahead of him. Turns out, that "whole life" was less than six months.

When I received the news, I walked directly to the window to look at the sun streaming in. I thought of the young man and of the stories my brother has told me about him. I thought of his grandpa and what this news will mean to him. I did what I promised myself I would do in 2016 as I mulled over this bad news by whispering the words, "Behold, our God!" to myself.

I sit here at my table by that same window looking up every now and then to see the sun shining through the big maple in our backyard and to watch the squirrel scurry around collecting nuts and seeds and I'm still thinking of that young man and his grandpa. News like that cannot be easy to receive. I have so many questions and the one I keep coming back to is, "What now?" The young man is GONE. He's finished carrying around the burdens life on this earth gave him. His family just got a new burden added to their shoulders.

And I'm thinking about my Grandma's sister who finally called to tell my Grandma that she was diagnosed with ALS in October and was given six months to live. One at the cusp of adulthood, choosing to take his life less than six months after a huge accomplishment and the other dealing with a diagnosis at 50 years old  knowing that her time is running out and FAST. Suicide and disease are both heavy burdens to bear. They both remind us that life on this earth will always be tainted by sin.

I could talk about how none of us know how much longer we have, but that's not what's on my mind. What's on my mind are the stories of the lives that we DO have. We took my Mom out for an early birthday lunch yesterday. She'll be 49 on Saturday and hearing my youngest brother pray the words, "May she be with us for a good long while." made me tear up then and they're making me bawl today. All I can do is cry and pray and remind myself to behold OUR God.

Pray for these families. Pray for the family dealing with this young man's suicide. Pray for my Grandma and her sister. Pray for my Mom, that her 49th year would be full of God's grace and that we would have her with us for a good long while.

Death and disease and aging and burdens play a huge part of life here. May we work together to make finding the answers to the "What now?" question a little easier. Along the way, may we stop to behold God, for the wonder of His glory is all around us. Even in times like these.

Saying Thank You

Jan. 7, 2016

"...be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ..." Ephesians 5:19 - 20

We had a guest preacher on Sunday who did an excellent job of expounding on Deuteronomy 8 and what happens to those who forget God. The point of his message seemed to be that everything you have you receive from God and that the importance of thanking Him must not be overlooked. 

I'm going to be writing more about prayer on Friday, but you need to know this, prayer is my weakness. As much as I love to talk, it takes effort for me to make conversation with God. While I'd like to think that making the task of prayer into something it was never meant to be is my problem, that might not be the case.

A big part of prayer is meant for thanks. Saying thank you was something that I had to be taught. I was one ungrateful child because I always thought "Well, of course, people would do ____ for me. They want to." If someone WANTS to do something for me, saying thanks seems to lessen the gift in my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I say it a lot, but I don't say it as much as I should. I certainly don't thank God enough and He sent me two messages on Sunday to make sure that I knew that. 

The first message made me realize that just as God never tires of leading His people, He never tires of hearing gratefulness overflow into thanksgiving. I need to say thank you. For everything. Waking up and thanking God for the day is good and right. Saying thank you every time I eat food is not silly or trite or meaningless. I need to say that again: saying thank you is never meaningless. 

Later that day, I got to hear the testimony of Ken. He is 77 and lost his first wife to illness when he was 41 and she was 36. 36 years later, his face still lights up and he still gets tears in his eyes as he talks about her. I sat across the room with tears of my own as he told the story about how there was a clock in his church that had the message "God heals all things in His time" written on the face and how week in and week out he saw that and thought to himself "That is a lie!". He was the preacher and when it came time for him to preach on Ephesians 5 he realized that he thought that was a lie too. God hadn't healed the wound losing his wife had left on him and his three children. Ephesians 5 said to thank God for everything, but he couldn't...

He sat in his office attempting to prepare to preach the message and trying to get his own heart in order. This was where I lost it in a room full of strangers with not a tissue in sight....Ken told us that he sat in his office just months after having lost the love of his life TRYING to at least mouth the words "Thank you for taking my wife." to God. He said, he remembers moving his lips and not hearing any sound come out. He couldn't say the words. He kept at it and finally, the words came. And he meant them. He truly was thankful to God, even for this thing that he couldn't seem to get over and he realized that God WAS healing that wound. 

Ken wanted us to know that we must thank God for everything. He said, "A lot of people say it's hypocritical to obey God when you don't feel like it, but that's not true. Fake it til you make it and you'll make it." 

Deuteronomy 8 and Ken's testimony showed me that ALL things come from the hand of God and every single one of them come for a reason. We are called to receive them with a thank you because saying thank you puts us in the position of humility. Humility is us recognizing who God is and who we are. Saying thank you is never meaningless. Thank Him for what is good and easy as well as what is difficult and hard and don't be surprised when you realize that you're making it. 

What are some things you can thank God for today?

Have you ever received something from God that you found super difficult to thank Him for?

Continuing in Him

December 18, 2015

I've been reflecting on 2015 over the last month or so and I've really liked what I've found. One day it hit me: 2015 was a year of almost no anxiety.  No matter how hard I try to figure out WHY that was, I keep coming up without an answer. It could be so very many things...

I found myself in South Carolina TWICE in 2015. It was so good for my soul. The kind of good that you can't quite explain. The kind of good that makes your eyes well up with the happiest of tears just thinking about it.

I chose three words for the year and did little more than kick them around every now and then. Reading over my hopes for 2015 makes me praise God because the hope that I wrote about on January 5th could be turned into a description of the year as I sit here on December 29th.

I read the entire Bible. I found a church. I house hunted until I couldn't house hunt any more. I made new friends. I finished college. I read a variety of books and learned a lot from the people that wrote them (E.B. White, Richard Adams, Madeleine L'Engle, and Andrew Murray in particular).

Yesterday morning I found myself standing on the sidewalk chatting with the neighbors. It was 10am and we were all in our pajamas. I was out shoveling snow and they were enjoying cigarettes on their porch. After I put the shovel away in the garage, I headed back into the house with all kinds of thoughts flying around in my mind.

When I rang in 2015 in Georgia, I had no idea what the year would hold. I was 24 and I was sure of one thing: I wanted to continue trusting in God and looking to Him for direction. As it turned out, He took me to some pretty great places and gave me a taste of the JOY and CERTAINTY that come with trusting Him. The thing is, 24 year old Victoria didn't want to or try to get rid of her anxiety any more than her younger self.

As I prepare to ring in another new year that leaves me with even more room to question, I'm setting my hope in God once more. I'm grateful for gifts of God's grace and I'm longing for them to stay with me in the days to come. In all that I found myself doing and enjoying in 2015, the theme was RECEIVING.

"For in Him we live and move and have our being..." Acts 17:28 

May 2016 be a year of continuing in Him. 

Waiting On God In Real Life

November 11, 2015

Each time I talk about Advent, I'm amazed at how many people aren't really all that familiar with it. I've gone back and forth about how to blog over the next month or so (Christmas goes clear to January 6th in my house)....I haven't made up my mind yet, but I'll tell you this: I'm learning SO MUCH from the time that I've been spending in God's Word alongside Andrew Murray's book that is packed to the gills with TRUTH and I have this need to share it with you.

Murray wrote the introduction 120 years ago. Apparently, much of it was composed aboard a ship. It blows me away that some man's scribbles from 1895 got turned into a book and that that little book found its way into my hands exactly when I needed to read it. God does not leave ANYTHING to chance.

With my friend Alice in the hospital battling pneumonia, another member of my family taking their leave this Christmas (my sister is leaving for 3 weeks TOMORROW), and the general sense of "in-betweeness" that came with the shape our life took in August, this Advent season has been the EPITOME of waiting on God. I'm reminded of the words of Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20:12 "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

Yesterday as I made my way to the elevator after spending some more time with Alice, I thought to myself, "THIS is what it means to wait on God." When I drove by the playgrounds full of children who had just had lunch and I noticed only pairs of little girls, the tears began to pour down my cheeks. Children follow and wait and trust so willingly. Before they know it, these children will be at the end of their lives or walking beside someone they love who is having to fight to stay strong in the Lord during a difficult time where death is near but will not come. They will long for God to grant them the ability to follow and wait and trust as willingly as they did during their playground days.

Advent is the time for preparing. We look back on what God has done in the birth of Christ. We look forward to the day when Christ returns. We savor the JOY His birth brought to the people who recognized Him as Messiah. Advent can be a time to meet with God to shore up your hope in Him. Advent is the time to renew our waiting upon God.

Murray wrote these words to introduce his book and I think they serve as a great introduction to Advent, "We want to wait on Him, to put away our experiences, however blessed they have been; our conceptions of truth, however sound and Scriptural we think they seem; our plans, however needful and suitable they appear; and give God time and place to show us what He could do, what He will do."

He continues with these words, "...Would God that we might get some right conception of what the influence would be on a life spent not in thought, or imagination, or effort, but in the power of the Holy Spirit, wholly waiting upon God."

God calls His people to wait on Him. By His grace and the power of the Helper granted to us by our Savior, we CAN wait on Him. This kind of waiting is for the praise of His glory. Alice is waiting on Him. I'm considering these things and asking myself the question whose answers bears so much weight, "Am I waiting on Him?"

"'Be silent unto God,' and thou shalt know
The quiet, holy calm He doth betsow
On those who wait on Him; so shalt thou bear
His presence, and His life and light e'en where
The night is darkest, and thine earthly days
Shall show His love, and sound His glorious praise.
And He will work with hand unfettered, free,
His high and holy purposes through thee...

And He will work for thee. Stand still and see
The victories thy God will gain for thee..." - Freda Hanbury




This post is part of a series on what I'm studying right now. To learn more about Advent or to read more posts in this series click HERE.

A Taste of My Own Medicine

This is one of those posts that has absolutely no good place to begin. I think I MIGHT be coming down with the first bout of whatever goes around every year at the beginning of winter, so I'm sitting at home with ^ that mug of "sick tea" ^ and four straight hours of alone time ahead of me.

I've been telling everyone about this tea of mine over the last few months. My cousin Theo had a sore throat (which I'm pretty sure I caught) and I told him about it back in September. The other day I was texting with my friend Amber only to find out that she's got one now too. Here's what I do: one cup PIPING hot Lipton black tea, one teaspoon honey, one teaspoon lemon juice (I use ReaLemon's bottled version). It's basically a hot Arnold Palmer, but it takes some getting used to. I save them for when I'm sick or feeling like I'm on my way to sick.

Needless to say, I'm there. Yesterday I took not one but TWO naps (I almost NEVER nap). I've been beyond tired and there is absolutely no reason for it. I've been worrying and trudging along and working REALLY hard to finally finish the very last thing I need in order to be able to say that I have graduated from college.

I'm overwhelmed by God's grace and the gift He gives us in each other.

Ever since we came to The Queen's Cottage back in August, we've been attending a church. It has come to feel like HOME. For some reason, I find myself holding my breath. I'm so confused about how long this town will be "home" and a little mad at myself for not wanting it to be.

Everywhere I turn, I've been seeing reminders of God's grace. Kevin and Joan made sure we knew that we are welcome and have been true friends to us in this season. They don't ask questions, they just embrace us. Esther stepped up to the plate to help me with this speech and has devoted countless hours to meet with me. The handful of 20 somethings that I've met have caused me to go out of my way to make new friends.

And then there are the words...Hearing the Bible read out loud week after week, receiving prayers that have been carefully constructed, and preaching that lays out who God is and what He is up to have been SUCH a treat. When I scroll through facebook or click on an interesting article or open my own Bible, I keep finding declarations of my need for and God's abundant gift of GRACE.

My body might be under the weather, but my soul is flourishing. My flesh might be worried and afraid and forgetful, but my spirit is being ministered to by the Helper that Christ promised to me.

Maybe that's where you are this season...Maybe life is confusing. Maybe you're longing for a Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years filled with ALL of your loved ones gathered around you. Maybe you've been blessed with MUCH, but find yourself longing for something else.

Won't you join me in tasting the medicine?

"For the LORD your God is a merciful God." Deuteronomy 4:33 

Saturday's Letters

Sept. 24, 2015

This morning, I've been a machine. I spent some time with God, finished up a journal, sipped some coffee, read a little bit more in my book, and made a list for the day. When I finally got up off the couch, I went from room to room commencing my Saturday morning cleaning routine that I've started here at The Queen's Cottage.

Just as I was finishing up, the sun started STREAMING through the windows. Every time I look out the front window I see the last few leaves skittering down the street thanks to the breeze that came to push them along. Blue skies always cheer me up and sometimes they inspire me too. I started thinking ahead to what this day might hold and writing a few letters to people in my life...


Dear Aunt Claudia: Thanks for teaching me about putting eggnog in my coffee. I had some this morning and it was just as good as when I sipped it with you in your kitchen last December.

Dear Smoke Alarm Installers: Why does this tiny house have a million smoke alarms? Was it really necessary to place them where they would go off every single time I make a piece of toast, clean the oven, or brown onions in a skillet? I think not. It's kind of hilarious, but also super annoying.

Dear God: Thank you for your Word, for SUNSHINE after days of rain (and a few hours of snow), and for other Christians. May every blessing be a reminder to me of my walk with You. May my
habits be consistent and my mortifying of sin be constant, that I may keep in step with your Spirit.

Dear Mom: Thanks for being who you are. Thanks for being one of my best friends. Thanks for scouring every used book section for anything by EB White (and making me look through the "spiritual" section where I found "One Man's Meat" on Wednesday). Thanks for telling me to get that old poetry collection of Eugene Field's, whoever he is. You were right...I'm glad I got it. 

Dear Youngest Brother and Sister: Why you want to leeeeeeave me???? I hope you're having fun on your rock climbing trip, but boy is it quiet around here without you!

Dear Fellow Bloggers: Every time I think I'm about to get back to blogging on a regular basis, I don't. Sooo many good intentions. Tons of ideas. Zero motivation to sit down and build posts. What tips do you have for me to get back into it???

That's all I've got for now...Enjoy your Saturday!!!

Butterfly Minds

September 24, 2015

"Our culture encourages us to have butterfly minds, flitting from one thought to another without going deep into anything." J.I. Packer

We are constantly surrounded by all kinds of things seeking to grab our attention, even if we only give them a few seconds of our time. Chances are that before you clicked on the link to this post, you had just finished reading a post or two before it. Perhaps you were scrolling through some form of social media.

The fact is, Packer's words are spot on and I firmly believe that this is not the way God meant for our minds to function. I will be the first person to admit that I am so guilty of using my mind in ways that are in direct rebellion to God. I've been very open about my tendency to worry. These words by Packer clued me into the diagnosis of another problem that I was only vaguely aware of.

I don't have to tell you how butterfly minds work. You know and I do too. If you find yourself lost in the fog of flitting from one thought to another, you're not alone. BUT, we don't have to give into the tendency that our culture encourages.

The mind is a gift and a tool and when the Spirit breathed new life into our soul, He also did a work on our minds. Our minds are not part of this culture. If we let allow them to fit into it, they will, but there is grace that shows us the way out of this trap.

When I read the Gospels, Christ's relationship with the Father is what inspires me more than anything else. I want to have the mind of Christ living in me. The mind of Christ was no butterfly mind - it was focused, it was sure, and it was aimed at guiding the body of the God-Man to live and think and act for the glory of the Father.

The fact is, that same mind is ours because of Christ. In Philippians 2:5 Paul exhorts believers to, "Have this mind [of humility] among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus..." We know from reading the Bible that Christ was no flitter. We know from experience that flitting does not satisfy.

We are here to experience and share and magnify the name of our Lord. Romans 12:2 explains the importance and result of being freed from all of this flitting, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

 It's up to each of us to figure out what it will take to teach our minds to stand strong against distractions. The outcome will be worth the effort because transformation happens by the renewal of our minds.

Do you share this struggle?

How have you or are you working to overcome it?

Heart Check

August 18, 2015

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

I've seen these verses three or four times over the last few weeks. Everywhere I turned, they just kept popping up. Sometimes, when you see a couple of verses on a little plaque or quoted on someone's status, you read them slowly and you notice something you've never noticed before. That's exactly what happened to me when I saw it on a printable a the Wednesday before last.

I stopped my scrolling and read it. I let it sink in. "Do NOTHING from rivalry or conceit." NOTHING. Words like that can't be confused for any other word or meaning. When we read words like that, we really must listen.

Rivalry (and conceit) is one of our biggest motivators. If you don't believe me, pay attention next time there is a small child around. Listen to their taunting voice when they're really proud about something, "I can do thiiiiisssss annnnnnddddd yyyyyooouuuuuuu cannnnnnn't." "Myyyyyyyy shooooooooesssssss liiiiiiiiighhhhhht up annnnnnd yyyyyyooooooouurrrrrrsss dooooonnnnnnn't."

We love one-uping and outdoing the people around us. We love getting praise and admiration and applause. When we read verses like these, they serve as great reminders of the wickedness that dwells in our hearts. God put these words in His Bible because the fact is, that on their own, His people LOVE doing EVERYTHING out of rivalry and conceit.

The surrounding verses make it pretty clear: we're to replace our doing out of rivalry and conceit with imitating Christ and acting out of humility with the same mind for the glory of the Father that He had. The encouragement we have in Christ, comfort we have in love, participation we have in the Spirit, and affections and sympathy that are ours in Him are to be the grace that keep our hearts turned toward His example (verse 1).

I'll tell you, I have always been a lover of rules. I don't care how silly the rule is, I'm 99.9% likely to keep it and to try to help others do the same. I'm this way because a) I don't want to get in trouble and b) I want to make people happy. I'm a rule keeper out of conceit. This verse (like so many others) flips my soul upside down and makes yet another aspect of my life centered on God.

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." Philippians 2: 12-13

When I do my rule keeping, I must consciously tell myself that it's about serving those around me and living in a way that will not tarnish the name of God. When my motives are pure (aka not wrapped up in ME), then even my rule keeping turns into a way for me to work out my salvation.

What is something that you do out of rivalry or conceit?

What verses have been following you around lately?

Still Grateful

Knowing God is the greatest joy of my life. Spending eternity in His presence is what keeps me going. There was a time when I didn't know why I existed or why my life was so hard. I became a Christian at a VBS program when I was 9 years old. They told me to read my Bible, pray, and go to church. I did that. I tried to be even better than I was before. I had a certain sense of peace that was new, but life was still miserable and I was certain that something was missing.

Everything changed during the summer that I was 15. A man named Greg helped his son Josh and his friend Adam put on a conference. Together, along with material from John Piper and RC Sproul, these men brought me face to face with the glory of God. For the first time in my life, the Scriptures that I had been underlining in the magazine style Bible my Mom had given me began to come together. I realized that the glory of God was what was missing from my Christianity. I remember being so glad to finally SEE, but also so mad that nobody had told me this before. I wondered how I had been a Christian for six years without being told the rest of the story (or really seeing it for myself).

From that moment on, I was sure to share what I had learned with anyone who would listen. I started my first blog after returning from that conference. Any chance I was given to turn the conversation or to lead a group always had me pointing people to the "WHY"  behind everything and the answer to the "Now what?" question that I had been struggling with for so long. I was grateful to those men for defining the glory of God and helping me to see that I was made to see that glory and savor it and declare it.

Nine summers later, I'm still grateful. My life and my Christianity were changed. I recently came across this post on Desiring God that took me right back to the moment when God opened my eyes:

A lot has changed over the last nine summers. In fact, I can hardly believe everything that has happened as I look back on them all. One thing remains them same, namely, the reality of the glory of God being the end all and be all of my life. My fight against sin continues, but that summer I learned that I don't fight alone. God is fighting with me and for me. He has given me everything I need and everything I'm striving for, in Himself. As I press on in Him, His glory is displayed.

"In love He predestined us for the adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved." 

Ephesians 1:5-6

While My Hands Are Covered In Dirt

April 30, 2014

Over the last few weeks, it hasn't really felt like February. We've had blue skies, beautiful sunsets, and temperatures that reached 70. It may be February, but the first weeds are here. The first weeds that pop up bring me great joy only because they remind me that it won't be long before I'll be back in the dirt once again.

I found myself working in the yard yesterday. I grabbed a bucket and a pair of scissors. I collected leaves that had blown in over the winter and trimmed back a few things that I didn't get trimmed before the cold set in. This is by far my favorite part of gardening. I love preparing the ground for the gardening season to come and beginning to research and plan out the year's gardens.

I started in my mint patch. Four years ago my friend Heidi gave me a cutting from her mint and told me how to get it going. I put it in the ground and was delighted when it came back the next spring. I love that mint. It came from one of my best friends, it practically grows itself, and it's always one of the first things to green up each spring.

Well, last fall I didn't get it cut back and the black tangle has been taunting me all winter. Yesterday was the day to put an end to all of that. As I was working, I realized that I smelled something...Mint! There I was cutting back and ripping apart mint that couldn't possibly be any deader and yet I smelled the fragrance just as if it was the middle of summer. As I always do, I got to thinking...

I want to be like that mint.

When things are a tangled mess of death and dying, I want to have the same "fragrance" about me that I have when it's a mid-summer day. I want to shock myself and those around me with refreshment, especially when that is the last thing on any of our minds. I want to come out of winter bursting with life, before winter is ever even over.

By the grace of God, that's actually exactly what I'm called to be.

I am the tangled mess and yet He has put new life in me. This life spills out and onto those around me as I walk in communion with Him. I "smell" like joy and peace and His glory is made known. Of course, this isn't always the case...I have a way of delighting in the tangled mess. But, the fact is, the joy and peace remain and the glory won't be hidden forever. 

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. " 1 Peter 1:9

It may be February and winter weather may return, but I've been in my garden and God's already started teaching me things while my hands are covered in dirt.  What's He teaching you?

ps - It's time for another round of Ask & Answer on Friday. 

If you have any questions, ask away! 

Purpose of God

Every now and then Jay will stop by for a visit just because. It's usually in the afternoon and it almost always turns into a theology chat session. Earlier this month, I came home to find his Jeep parked in the driveway...I hoped he hadn't been here long because I didn't want to miss out on his visit! 

I wasn't disappointed. I joined the conversation happening around our table and talk quickly turned to a time years ago when Jay worked his way through parts of Chambers' book in a new way. He looked up a topic in the index and read and re-read every entry that was listed until he had his questions answered. This came up because we were talking about the purpose of God.

Jay left me with the challenge of looking up "purpose of God" in the index of "My Upmost For His Highest". I began working my way through the entries reading and re-reading them one by one. The entry from May 22 is the perfect reflection on this last Monday of 2014. The Scripture for that day comes from John 17:21. It says, "...that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us..."

If you are one of God's people, whatever is happening in your life, or has happened in your life, is working together for a purpose. John 17 tells you why and verses like Romans 8:28-29 leave you with full assurance. Chambers puts it this way, "...Jesus has prayed that you 'may be one' with the Father as He is."

As we finish up the last few days of this year and prepare our hearts for the one ahead, it is the perfect time to take stock of where we are as children of God. May we find great comfort in this great will of God! May even our troubles be viewed as blessings.

I want to leave you to consider this question from Chambers, "Are you helping God to answer that prayer, or do you have some other goal for your life?"

Join me in answering it honestly and reflecting on it often.

Just Passing Through

October 14, 2014

Today I bring you the final installment in my Contemplating Heaven series!

This series started off with an honest post written by my anxious little heart. Then we turned our attention to the joy God has set before us. And last week I tried to communicate why we need to contemplate heaven.

I think we're ready to take some time for a little HOW TO.

How to set yourself up to contemplate heaven:

*Read God's Word - This is water for your soul. It will be your biggest help in living the Christian life. You need to stay in it.

*Commune with God's people - This communion takes place through real life conversations, sermons, books, music, and  even blog posts. You need to have a chorus of voices around you reminding you of who you are as a Christian and that your hope is in God.

* Preach the glories of heaven to yourself - Use Scripture that you have memorized or are memorizing to continually bring you back around to the truth. Your mind is one of your biggest enemies and it needs all the help it can get to stay on track.

Those three things are key and with them come praying and serving and obeying, all the while remembering that heaven is our home. As Sam Storms wrote on p. 170 of his book "One Thing",

"Heaven is characterized by the [eternal] increase of joy [in God]." 

Let that sink in! Can you even imagine ANYTHING greater?

You might find it helpful to put together a list of things about heaven! Here's the list that I put together.

In heaven:

- We will be with and see God.

- Seeing God, we will be enamored with Him and His grace and His holiness and His kindness and everything about Him...Our joy in Him will be filling up and spilling over.

- We will be satisfied and yet always increasing in grace and knowledge and joy and holiness.

- We will hear the sound of perfected souls singing His praises.

- This joy in God and union with Him will go on an on for all of eternity and it will never grow old.


If you're like me, you have a serious tendency to focus on the here and now. It makes you anxious and afraid and downright sinful. Being reminded that my soul needs to set itself up to hope in God and more specifically, the promise of eternity with Him has really helped.

Taking the time to consider why I should contemplate heaven and then how to even begin going about it has been crucial. I hope that you have found this series both helpful and inspiring.

This earth is quite the place. The good news is, we're just passing through!

Contemplating Heaven Series:

pt. 1 The Problem

pt. 2 The Remedy

pt. 3  Why 

pt. 4 How 

The Joy Made Clear

October 12, 2014

I'll admit, the idea of purposefully contemplating heaven was a brand new thing to me until August 2014. I've never been very interested in studying heaven. I have been content to know that it is the place that God dwells and because of Jesus Christ's blood poured out for my sins, I will go there. Then I read a little blue book by Sam Storms and chapter 9 made me stop in my tracks.

Storms argued that "the consistent witness of Scripture is that we should make heaven and its beauty the object of our contemplating energy, not for the purpose of fueling theological speculation but to equip us for life here and now."

Such Scriptures as 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, Colossians 3:1-4, and 1 Peter 1: 3-9 come to mind.

Jesus Christ died and rose again so that when we die, we can be raised into the presence of God forever. He gave us the Holy Spirit so that we can get ready for life in heaven.

There is a lot here on this earth to enjoy and it is all meant to turn our attention to the one who granted it to us, namely God Himself. 

Storms also shared these words, "To whatever degree we relish and rejoice in the beauty of God now, it is but a faint foretaste of the eternal feast we will enjoy in heaven in the age to come..."

"Our only hope for satisfaction of soul and joy of heart in this life comes from looking intently at what we can't see. Therefore, we must take steps to cultivate and intensify in our souls an ache for the beauty of the age to come." 

Christian, this is why you must be about the business of contemplating heaven. Until we begin to eagerly anticipate being with God forever and being comforted and satisfied and kept by Him now, we will find ourselves far too attached and bedazzled by the good things on this earth. A quiet Sunday will be devastating to us when really, it shouldn't.

"The essence of heaven is the vision of God and the eternal increase of joy in Him. Heaven might well be summed up in the declaration: 'They will see His face' (Rev. 22:4)!" Storms gave these five "immediate and practical implications of the soul's intense longing for it [heaven]."

1. A contemplative focus on the beauty of heaven frees us from excessive dependence upon earthly wealth and comfort. 

2. A contemplative focus on heaven enables us to respond appropriately to the injustices of this life. 

3. A contemplative focus on heaven produces the fruit of endurance and perseverance now.

4. Nothing exerts such purifying power on the heart as the contemplative focus on heaven. 

5.Concentrating on the glory of heaven teaches us about the essence of true religion, namely, the holy affections with which we will find ourselves captivated by God in heaven. 

Christian, the joy awaiting you in heaven is clear. Jesus Christ's sacrifice made it yours. Be convinced of the power of looking forward to it! 

Catch these posts if you missed them:

pt. 1 When a Quiet Sunday Doesn't Help

 pt. 2 They Will See His Face 

I Have a Sister

I'm writing this post on October 1, but it's not going to be posted for at least a few days...

Today my sister came into my room when she got up. I was working on some pictures for this space, trying to get my editorial calendar in order, and attempting to get a post ready. She settled herself into my reading chair and turned the space heater towards her. We talked for a while and pretty soon, I was all wrapped up in my laptop. She grabbed her tablet and continued to hang out. 

Then the monologue started...She had a million things to say and yet I was barely even comprehending the words coming out of her mouth. She gave me a frustrated look and went to find someone who would pay attention to her. 

When I finished up my work, I went to look for her. We both had some free time today and she had been trying to ask me if we could spend it together. My sister is all about "sister time", I like to think it's because I have always tried to build relationships with my siblings as individuals, but I have a feeling she's done a lot of the work too! 

It is so easy to neglect the people closest to us. Having a sister who cares about our relationship is not something I take for granted. We put the distractions aside and took some time to just BE today and it was great. 

We played Ticket to Ride (she stomped the PANTS off of me). We chatted. We took her truck to town and walked around  to check the mail, grab milkshakes, and pick up some books at the library. We stopped by the office to visit/help our Mom and had a conversation across the street with Jay. 

I tripped and nearly cracked my head open on a bench...She laughed so hard that I think everyone in the bank heard her. We chatted with Mary as she made our shakes and gave Marilyn a hard time before we looked for our books. I learned her hopes for the weekend as we visited with Julie. 

We've made trips to town a thousand times. When she was a baby, I'd load her into the stroller. When she was a toddler I'd end up carrying her on my back while I pushed our brother in the stroller until I realized that the jogging stroller would hold both of them and make things much easier. When she was a little girl we would walk hand in hand and take our time. When I got my license, our sister days would include trips to our favorite chinese buffet and the movies. 

We've made trips to town a thousand times and these trips have faced gradual changes that have brought us to where we are today. Whatever we do, wherever we are, these trips are about being together. They're about looking at life and listening to each other's hearts. She's just a few inches shorter than me now, she has her own unique style, she has gifts and passions that are so much different than mine, and these sister days of ours have helped us to make it through this change with a bond that didn't just happen. 

As we drove home in her truck today , I began to think about what life will be like years from now....It made me so happy to know that I will have these days to look back on. 

I have a sister and I love her more than she will ever know.

* * * * * 

Tomorrow, I'm co-hosting Susanah's Faith and Fellowship Link Up!!! Be sure to stop by to link up ANY post from this week that shares what the Lord's been doing in your life or speaking to you.

They Will See His Face

September 5, 2010

I enjoy chocolate, good literature, candles, holidays, and games, but what I enjoy most on this earth are the people that God has filled it with. And as much as I love them and dream of a day when we will all be together in one place, there's something even better for me to look forward to, namely, heaven.

I look forward to heaven not because of the people that will be there with me, but because, it is in heaven when I will be in the perfect presence of God with the ability to see and savor Him forever.

When a quiet Sunday hits, I need to have a week full of busy Mondays spent contemplating heaven to look back on. When a quiet Sunday hits, my soul needs to have been dwelling on the time when I will be in the presence of God forever. That is my reward and the essence of every hunger in my heart.

As Jonathan Edwards put it:

 "Labor to get a sense of the vanity of this world...

Labor to be much acquainted with heaven."

Times haven't changed. Our souls need to be continually about the work of being glad that the vanity of this life thrusts us into the eager anticipation of the inheritance that God is keeping for us in heaven.

Christian, live each day knowing that you will see His face. Remember that His very presence is so much more than anything you've ever longed for.  Spend all of the days, especially the best ones, contemplating heaven and eagerly anticipating being there. THAT helps when a quiet Sunday doesn't.