The Sea of Waiting (where Victoria finally talks about singleness)

Thursday, October 30, 2014

There has been a lot of talk about singleness in the blog world lately. Singleness is a label that will be applied to everyone at some time during their life.

The Church tells us it’s a blessing, something we shouldn’t rush through.

The rest of the world tells us to live it up and do our own thing as long as it makes us happy.

All along the way though, there is an assumption that most likely, at some point, we’ll all grow up and settle down. The general consensus is that singleness is a “season” and one that will eventually come to an end.

I have a lot of girl friends who are single despite a serious desire to have a great guy in their life. These are wonderful, beautiful women that would make great wives and mothers. For whatever reason, they are scattered around the world single as single can be. And they’re doing their best to remain “content”, but it’s HARD.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably fighting that fight today. And if that’s not true of you, you’ve experienced the endless sea of waiting before. I want you to know that I always read your posts, I hear your heart aching for the things that God designed you to do and to be as woman, and I hurt for you.

I have my own words for you today…Words that I hope will shape your prayers and maybe even change the way you wait.

First of all, this might shock you, but I don’t really share your longing. That’s why I usually just listen when you talk. Would I love to be a wife to a godly man and a mother to countless kids? Absolutely! However, as I look out over the sea that is my life, I’m not looking for land or another ship, I’m simply trusting the wind in my sails.

I spent the latter half of my teen years studying Biblical womanhood and family life. I grew very excited about God’s special plans for men and women and families. It’s so beautiful! You know this. That’s why you want to be married. That’s why you want a good guy. That’s why you haven’t “settled”.

Before we go on, I want you to know that this is not another post about contenment.

I’m writing today to remind you that God is faithful and sufficient. I’m writing to remind you that marriage isn’t just marriage. I’m writing to remind you that there’s a lot to learn from this sea of waiting.

During my own time of singleness, I’ve come face to face with the brokeness of this world. At times, I’ve allowed it to overwhelm me into places of depression, fear, and serious anxiety. When the fog of my own finiteness clears, I begin to see the hand of God and the foolishness of human hearts.

I'll say it again. I don't share your longing for marriage.

It’s not that I’m fiercely independent. Or that I hate men. Or that I have career goals. Or that I love being single. Or that I can’t stand children.

It’s not that I’ve mastered the art of contentment or that I think singleness is better than marriage.

It IS that I love God so deeply and that I long for my life to be spent in service to Him . It’s that I want to have a home that serves as a place of redemption and healing in the neighborhood that surrounds it. It’s that I want everything in my life to be in submission to God. It’s that I want to raise children who have parents who are so commited to God and to each other that faith becomes real, because it is real.

It’s that I’ve read the Scriptures and I know that marriage makes me responsible to submit to the man I marry and to raise children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Being in a marriage with a man that doesn’t completely share this dedication would be deveastating. Raising children with such a man would send me into such a deep pit that it makes my heart ache just thinking about it.

Have you ever looked up submit in the dictionary? It is definied this way: “to commit to the discretion or decision of another.”

I’m not longing for marriage because I don’t take submission lightly.  If I marry a man, I will submit to him. I don’t want to put myself in a situation where submission is any harder than it has to be. I don’t want to put my children in a position where their father and our home are things they want to escape.

I’m not longing for marriage because my naivety wore off long ago. I realize that by getting married I’m subjecting myself and my children to the discretion and decision of antoher.

I’m going to be bold and say that I need a man who takes submission seriously. I’ll know that he does because he will be a man that has first submitted himself to the discretion and decision of God.

That’s the kind of man that would make me long for marriage...Until then, my empty ring finger is a constant source of great joy. (Just ask my Mom.) 

I'm not longing for marriage because such men are hard to come by. Remaining unmarried is far better than finding myself married to a man that is not all of these things.  

That said, I’ve learned a lot from the sea of waiting, namely, that it really isn’t so bad after all.

I believe that singleness ins’t mainly about contentment, but rather, wisdom. Wisdom tells us to set our hope in God and to share that hope with everyone around us.

Someday you may find yourself married to a godly man. You may find yourself with a house full of children. I'll thank God with you when that day comes!

 Earlier I said that this wasn’t a post about contentment. Now, I’ll say that it IS a post about warning.

Don’t waste the sea of waiting.

Do set your hope in God and seek His wisdom.

Don’t long so hard for companionship that you make foolish decisions and spend the rest of your life paying for them. You won’t pay for them alone.

Let your longing for companionship take you to the One who is your most faithful Companion for all of eternity.

Lastly, if a godly man pursues you, join him in making God famous.  But first, make sure he’s actually walking with God. Your children will thank you.

Let’s be women who fear the Lord and live like it, whatever station we find ourselves in! 

I’d love to chat with you, 
especially on the days when 
the struggle is at its worst,
 so e-mail me anytime! 

ps - Please know that I am not saying that you are wrong to long for marriage. I am not inferring that you are not longing for marriage to the type of man that I have described. I'm just telling you what singleness and the wrecked marriages around me have taught me! :) 


  1. beautiful, wise words! :) this was one of the hardest things i learned when i was single "Don’t long so hard for companionship that you make foolish decisions and spend the rest of your life paying for them. You won’t pay for them alone." so, so true!! :)

  2. Well said. I love that verse from Psalm 28:14 Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

    I love this linie. However, as I look out over the sea that is my life, I’m not looking for land or another ship, I’m simply trusting the wind in my sails.

    I've seen the struggle with Christian girls who married men that didn't walk with the Lord. It was hard and tthere were a lot of tears. So make sure He loves Christ more than you and that and make sure you love Christ more than Him.

    Great words of wisdom.

  3. Beautiful wisdom, Victoria! I wasted so much of my single years, and I wish I had pursued the Lord fully during that time instead of just partially. While marriage is a trip all of its own, enjoy singlehood while it lasts. It is just a season in the long run, and one that should have fond memories! :)

  4. i admire this so much.
    i want this to be my heart - to wear i long for God always without having other petty emotions get in the way.
    this was a humbling post ,but an encouraging one as well.
    thanks for sharing victoria!

  5. One of the greatest things I try to remind myself of is that settling can't be the answer for me. I've got high standards and even though I want to be in a relationship, I also know that I don't want to be in one that will be hurtful for me because I know for a fact that my heart couldn't take it.

    That said, I'm so glad you mentioned that "I want you to know that this is not another post about contentment." I was a little worried at first that it would be (only because I've read SO many singleness posts where this is what it focuses on solely) but was so inspired to read about your strong love for HIM and not man.

    You have a beautiful heart, friend!


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