When 25 Is One Month Away

When I was growing up I was always thinking about what it would take to make the best of my future. After becoming a Christian, I started seeking God's will for my life. I remember being in high school and honestly telling people that what I wanted to do with my life was whatever God had for me to do. This wasn't a cop out. I had allll kinds of plans and even more short and long term goals to make them happen. I was so diligent (and proud) that I knew I needed to step back and seek God. 

Somewhere in my early 20's, my high school self found herself LOST. I was listening to God and seeking Him, but I also began to think about what would make me happy in the long run. I began to realize that I could move anywhere and do anything. That freedom really appealed to me. It is so easy to get caught up in possibilities and to let those possibilities trick your soul into forgetting to ask God what He might have in store. 

I'm going to be 25 in exactly one month. When summer starts coming to a close and my birthday draws near, I always take some time to step back and evaluate things. 

This year, I'm thinking about one thing, namely, how to get my heart back to the place where it's set on pleasing God and trusting that pleasing Him will please me. The first half of my 20's has flown by. They've been full of completely unexpected things. My 15 year old self couldn't have dreamed of where the first half of my 20's would take me. The theme of these last five years has been fighting sin, digging into God, and living by faith (or at least, trying to). Now that I think about it, those three things have been the theme since I was 9 years old and will be the theme until I die. 

The thing is, the first half of my 20's put those three things to the test. 

I faced my pride head on and learned that it's something I really have to guard against. I dealt am dealing with a major family conflict that has shown me how ugly I get when someone shows me I can't trust them. I faced depression. BIG time. 

I recovered from that bout of depression ONLY by pouring over God's Word, clinging to Him in prayer, and with the support of other Christians. I read through the entire Bible. I learned how to really study the Bible with help from this book. I continued journaling, even when it hurt to do so.

I didn't finish college, but worked really hard at it (I'm still going to finish, by the way). I've lived in five homes on two coasts. I found myself being served by a family while I did student teaching, doing life with my family, working at a Christian retreat center, helping an older woman recover and make it through a rough winter, and helping my best friend welcome her new baby into the world. 

For the first time in my life, I've slowly settled into a place where I really don't have a long term plan for myself. I only have two things I'm really working on: being a faithful Christian and a better writer. Other than that, I don't have a clue. 

I find myself remembering what my high school self said about doing whatever it was God had for me to do and asking my nearly 25 year old self if this is really it. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem like enough. It doesn't seem wise. It seems like I'm coasting and heading nowhere. It seems like my 30 year old self, and more likely, my 65 year old self will look back and give my 25 year old self a good whack and ask her what in the world she was thinking (and doing). 

25 is one month away and I'm battling the temptation to make my life about what I think will make me happy by reminding myself that following God is the only thing that will. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Waste Basket Memories

June 4, 2014

"I've been going over things in my mind. I call them 'waste basket memories'....I thought I had put them out of my mind, but they're there and I can pull them up again." 


Like most of the conversations with Alice that stick out to me, I have no idea how this one got started. She was sitting in her chair and I was sitting in a chair facing her. All of a sudden, I started repeating the words in my mind as she was saying them because I didn't want to forget them.

At 91, Alice has all kinds of memories and now she has all kinds of time. These memories come to her mind from out of nowhere. Lately, I guess she's had reason to go over some of the less pleasant ones. I don't know if she's pulling them out on purpose or if things are reminding her of them, but the fact is, she calls them "waste basket memories" for a reason.

91 year old Alice is struggling with them a little bit, but 15 year old Alice and 23 year old Alice and 40 year old Alice all knew what to do with them. As the memories were made, she put them into the waste basket which was right where they belonged. Up until recently, most of those memories were all but forgotten. I'm sure she pulled some of them out every now and then, but it never did any good so she threw them right back away.

When Alice talks, I listen. We all have our fair share of memories that are better off forgotten. A day may come when we find ourselves with a lot of time to sit and stew, but I pray that we all remember Alice's words about waste basket memories. There's no going back to change or fix anything. Let's take the memories that belong in the waste basket and leave them right where they belong.

Just like Alice's memories, they'll still be in our minds, but let's hear the regret in her voice at 91 and learn to just let them be.

I Like Remembering...

I went to visit Alice last Wednesday afternoon. We spent some time talking and pretty soon our conversation took the turn that it doesn't always take. Alice started remembering things that she hadn't thought about for years. On this particular afternoon, she remembered a colt and his mother...

Alice was the first to ride him. She chose to take him out to a field that had recently been plowed so that if she fell off, the ground wouldn't be so hard. He didn't like it, but she rode him and she didn't fall off. She recalled loving that horse. She couldn't help remembering his mother, an ornery horse that everyone but Alice found very difficult to ride. Alice rode her and made her obey and they had good times together.

I don't know either horses' name - Alice didn't mention those. I don't know what colors they were or how long they lived. I don't know if they liked apples or carrots.

I do know one thing. Remembering is sweet.

Alice finished her stories with these words, "I like remembering...I remembered! And it was good."

Yes, Alice, I like it when you remember too. It is good.

A Watch Story

You may not know it, but I hang onto things forever. There's that one t-shirt in my closet that my brother got on a trip to Virginia in 1999. I still wear it. There are two signs that my Mom and my best friend made for me for my 13th Birthday that have sat behind my dresser ever since I finally took them off my wall all those years ago. And then, there's my watch...

It's nothing overly fancy, but it's special to me. I got it for Christmas when I was 17 and I have worn it pretty much every day ever since. If you're looking for a watch, be sure to check out Invaluable! I recently found out about them and they have a great selection of watches for men and women just waiting for you to bid on them. Invaluable will help you find a watch that you love as much as I love the one my Mom had waiting under the tree for me that Christmas.

It has survived so many disasters. The first week I got it, I banged it on the door of the dryer when I was pulling out clothes one day. I examined it to see exactly one scratch on the face and got really sad over that little scratch. The next summer, I dropped it on the floor at the Ranch and broke one of the numbers off. As soon as I got home, I sent it to Fossil to have it fixed. Those two weeks of waiting for it to be returned to me seemed to drag on and on.

This watch has been with me through some of the toughest and most exciting years of my life. It came with me to Massachusetts, to Mount Vernon, and to New York City. It kept time for me when I struggled to find my joy in God. It came with me while I helped my friend Alice get back on her feet and when I got to join my friend Heidi while she cared for her daughter and her brand new son.

Whenever I check the time, my watch tells me more than the current time, it reminds me of all the moments that have already happened. I plan to hang onto it.

Does your watch have a story?

This post is brought to you in partnership with Invaluable.