An Encouraging Resolve

Today I am going to join Renee for her link-up.  There is a new theme each month and this time around the theme is encouragement. Renee is the wife of a guy who sounds like one of the good ones, the mother of two little ones, and one of THE most encouraging people I've ever crossed paths with on the internet. She is really good at fostering community, connecting with people, and being 100% honest about how things are going.

February 23, 2013

Well, I sat down to write this earlier today and ended up typing up what turned into a 9 page document that was close to 2500 words long. I think it's really good, but it needs polishing and I'm not sure that a blog is the right place to share a piece like that. So, I'm trying again.

It's Friday night and I just got back from the grocery store. I live it up, you guys. I also went to the mall today. I was hunting for a navy cardigan or a reasonably priced dress. I came back empty handed. I spotted one navy cardigan, but it was more shrug than what I had in mind. I did try on a dress, but then I realized that it looked like a cheerleading outfit from the 70s or 80s. I put it back (I know you were wondering).

There were a number of older couples shopping together. The men wandered aimlessly while the women pulled different things off of the racks in order to inspect them. The music was not only annoying, it was actually raunchy. I may have reached the point I never thought I would ever reach...I felt like every single one of those men. The clothes were ugly, cheaply made, and over priced. The music was horrible. I walked from department store to department store and found that each one seemed to have the same wares to offer.

Tonight, at the grocery store, things were different. I noticed that most of the shoppers seemed to be men and many of them had their kids in tow. There were some people who came by themselves and every single one of them was walking with the kind of slow purpose that many of us make it to the end of the week with. I made my way to from the meat counter to the dairy section and then weaved through the aisles until I made it back to the produce. While I was shopping, my friend Abigail texted me a time or two and I smiled as I typed out my replies. As I headed to the check stands, I noticed that it was starting to get dark outside and for the first time all day I felt the need to hurry up.

How does any of this connect to the theme of encouragement that Renee selected for the link up? If I'm honest...I'm kind of wondering too. Today, I passed human being after human being. I tried on a dress that some of them made. I listened to song after song that entire groups of people worked to write and record and produce. I overheard tidbits of conversation. I waited in line. I exchanged smiles and silly jokes about Route 66 and the Autobahn. The same can be said for you. You rub shoulders with so many people each day. You may be lonely. You may be so busy that you fall into bed at night. You may be sick. You may be having the time of your life.

Wherever you are, whatever the days have been holding for you, there is a resolve that can inspire your entire outlook. It's from the first verse in Psalm 34 and it says, "I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Just four verses later, it goes on to say, "Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."

Today, I worked on a piece of writing until I ran out of time. I learned that I'm not crazy about the mall these days. I went to the grocery store dragging my feet after seeing my brother and sister off to their play.

As I reflect on the day, I realize that what made today different was that I was blessing the LORD. His praise was in mouth. I can't say for sure whether or not I looked radiant, but I can promise you that it's my deepest hope that people see His glory reflected in my very presence. I have full confidence that my hope in Him is SURE.

That's pretty encouraging. I hope you think so too.

One Word: 2017

September 10, 2010

I am a sun chaser. My favorite place is the beach and if I disappear on a sunny day, all you need to do is to hunt for the patch of sun that I'm basking in. Come February's warmest days, you'll find me camped out in some spot of sun with sweatshirt and blanket and book, pen, and paper. It'll be cold. People will think I'm crazy, but I cannot get enough.

By the time summer rolls around, you'll find me looking for any excuse to get outside. I have quiet times out there. I garden. I go for walks. I'll do my afternoon reading or writing on the patio. I am even known to take naps out in the yard. There are few things I enjoy more than turning my face to the sun and feeling its rays warm me right to my core.

That said, my word for 2017 managed to catch me by surprise. I had a few words rolling around in my mind and the one that I ended up with was not one of them. I've been reading Andrew Murray's book "Waiting on God" along with whatever chapter(s) of Scripture he references each day. On Day 16, Murray compared waiting on God with keeping watch for the first rays of the morning light. God is a God of LIGHT and His light is always shining. I know this to be true. As I read Murray's words they resonated with me because of my love for the sun.

Psalm 130:5-6 says, "I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, And in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning; I say, more than they that watch for the morning."

We all know what it is to watch for the morning light. It chases away darkness and doubt and fear and gloom and troubles and so many things. The morning light brings with it hope and peace and a brand new day. I'm not exactly sure what events surrounded the writing of Psalm 130, but I'm pretty confident that it was times of trouble. I've been talking with several different people about salvation lately. They've all wrestled with seasons of wondering if they were ACTUALLY saved. Two of them have made it through those times. They can't explain what happened, but they both said that God changed things. I would sum up their words by saying that the light of God shined in their souls.

Murray puts it this way, "Just as the sun shines its beautiful, life giving light on and into our earth, so God shines into our hearts the light of His glory, of His love, in Christ His son. Our heart is meant to have that light filling and gladening it all the day."

If you haven't guessed yet, my word for 2017 is BASK. By the last day of December, I had settled on it and I've already been seeing the theme pop up again and again. I need to wait on God and trust that He rules over all things. I need to believe Him and stay in His word. By His Spirit, my soul will be full of the joy and peace that come from His light. God is light. By His light do we see and live and walk.

I want 2017 to be a year of savoring these truths. I want to receive from Him and respond with praise. I want the times when darkness threaten to undo me to become times when I learn to look to Him knowing that His light IS there. I want to glow with the beauty of His presence and the proof that my hope is in Him alone. I want it to be said of me that I am nurtured by Him and the light He shines on His people. I will need to pray. I will need to reflect often on His goodness and His character.

I look forward to the cloudy days when His sun shines. I long for my soul to be nourished by His light just the way my body is nourished by the sun on my skin. As I could lay there in its warmth for hours at a time, so I long for 2017 to be the year where I am continually basking in God's warmth.

May I learn from the flowers and the trees and the grass and the animals and even my own soul. As Murray says on page 83, "They do nothing [to keep the sun shining on them], they simply bask in the sunshine when it comes."

And it always comes. As Alice likes to remind me, "The sun is always shining, even when we can't see it."

Have you picked a word for 2017?

Don't Worry

April 13, 2014

After a major breakthrough on anxiety, the last few weeks have been rough. It was getting to the point where I was thinking it might be time to take some time to write down everything that was weighing on my mind so that I could pray about it and remind myself that I had given it over to God.

Seriously...I was feeling tired and drained and like I couldn't breathe. I had major headaches. I was nervous. It was getting ugly. I was worrying about EVERYTHING and most of it was 100% out of my control.

About two days into it reaching the point where I was pretty sure the breaking point was coming, my Mom got SICK. My brother and sister's latest play had JUST opened and the cast and crew was passing around some major germs. My Mom getting sick was one thing I was worrying about more than anything else. She does their makeup and helps several others with theirs too and there is no way the show could go on without her....Long story short, she spent most of three days in bed and pulled herself out JUST long enough to do my brother and sister's make up.

She was sick enough and I was frazzled enough that ALL of my worries disappeared over the course of those three days. I contacted several friends and asked them to pray for my Mom. Whatever she had was kind of scaring me. I prayed each time I thought of my friends praying and it really helped me to KNOW that people were praying for us.

The thing about anxiety is that you can't will it away. If you focus on it or focus on trying to overcome it, it gets worse. If you focus on turning your mind away from it, it gets worse. The thing about anxiety is that something has to become bigger than it is. My Mom being sick was THE thing I was most worried about. Once she got sick, I began to realize that all I could do was take her to God and trust Him. THE thing I was worried about was BAD, but it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be.

And that's how it always goes. Not because things aren't BAD, but because God is in control and with every bad thing He brings, He brings grace too. The grace is measured out perfectly.

My Mom got sick and four days later she got better. We made it through the school shows. I was reminded how sweet it is to KNOW people are praying with you. The play closed this last Sunday and I'm tempted to worry about different things now, but God's grace over the last month is here reminding me not to mess with that. There's more...

Last winter, the top of a pine tree broke off and landed in our backyard. It came down with a CRASH and drove huge ruts into the grass. BUT, it didn't hit the house, the roof, the fence, the bushes, or ANYTHING. It came down and I was overcome with gratefulness. We opted to leave it be until spring. Spring is here and we've been trying to clean up the backyard. It's HUGE and getting it out of the backyard and hauled away is a daunting task. I went from being grateful to pathetic. It was easy to thank God for keeping the tree from hitting things, but when the next problem arose, I did what I do and turned to WORRY.

On Friday, we heard chainsaws mid-morning. My Mom looked over the neighbor's roof and saw a guy up in their pine tree. We opened the front curtain and realized that a tree service was in the neighborhood and had brought along a woodchipper. I went out to ask them what they would charge to run our pile of branches through that chipper if we hauled them out to the street. The boss came over to have a look and after negotiating a price, we came up with a solution for the branches that were blocking the gate in and out of our backyard and putting our spring clean up at a stand still.

You guys...I'm writing about this to tell you that in three days and with 30 bucks, my worries disappeared. Before the last of the branches was even run through the chipper I began laughing at myself. The weight of worry was lifted and I saw THROUGH the fog of my anxiety.

God knows. We worry soooo carelessly. Being consumed with anxiety doesn't help anyone or accomplish anything. Waiting on God is the way out.

Whatever has been weighing on you is just like my Mom getting sick, those giant branches blocking our gate, and the snow that's coming down on the exact day I planned to plant some seeds. These things do concern us and yet God never leaves us to fend for ourselves. Yes, these worries are small and trivial and nothing compared to things like the terrorist attacks in Brussels, but I'm convinced that all of them are doing a work in our hearts that cannot be accomplished any other way.

God's grace is bigger than any concern and He sees that it comes through at just the right time.

Don't worry.

Spring's First Conviction

January 31, 2016

"Spring's first conviction is a wealth beyond its whole experience." - Emily Dickinson

On the last Sunday afternoon of January, things had warmed up just a little bit and I had stepped outside with my Mom to turn my face to the sun that was peeping through the clouds. I couldn't help but notice that the large bush that hangs over the fence from our neighbors' yard was full of fuzzy little buds. 

Just the day before I had read Emily's words about the first conviction of spring and made the decision to look for it so that I could document it as soon as I found it. When I read those words, I didn't expect this spotting to come for MONTHS. 

Emily is right though...Seeing those buds and taking that picture did something for me. They reminded me that for all the snow and cold and fog, spring IS coming. It may have only been the end of January, but spring's first conviction had arrived. 

Every time I look at that bush, I'll be reminded that winter isn't all there is. One day soon it's going to get warm again and things will start waking up from their long sleep. I don't know what that bush looks like when spring arrives, but I'm excited to find out. 

Six Months To Live

February 8, 2016

Last September, I sat in the front row of a room full of people who had gathered together to celebrate the graduation of 39 men and women who had just completed their training as police officers. An older gentleman sat down beside me and we quickly struck up a conversation. It turns out that his grandson and my brother were from the same department. We talked for quite a while before my Aunt leaned over to make sure he wasn't bothering me. He wasn't. The man was beaming from ear to ear and was eager to tell me all about himself and his grandson. Before we knew it, the graduates were ready to march to the front of the room where they would be recognized for their achievements.

The moment my brother walked up to the stage, I started whooping and hollering at the top of my lungs, just like I used to during his football days. I was prouder than proud and afterwards he told me that he thought all of our family was working together to make all that racket. When I had finished cheering, the man beside me said, "Oh! That was your brother? You shoulda warned me. If I'da known, I'da hollered too!" Needless to say, I gave a couple of cheers when his grandson marched across the stage.

After the ceremony, everyone joined their police officer for pictures and congratulations. From there, the officers wandered around congratulating each other and saying their see ya laters. When we were on our way back to the dorms to pick up my brother's belongings, we passed the old man one more time and congratulated the family. As we were walking away he said, "Goodbye, sister and brother!" And I smiled all over again.

It was raining that day. The same rain that turned into the flood in Columbia less than one week later. But the rain didn't take away from the excitement and the pride and the joy that was floating around that gym.

I got news today that that man's grandson committed suicide yesterday. Last September when we watched him march across the stage, none of us knew that he only had less than six months to live. Nobody knew that this man with a badge and a gun and a bullet proof vest would use a gun to take his own life. None of us knew the pain that he carried with him in his heart. We knew that he was young and had his whole life ahead of him. Turns out, that "whole life" was less than six months.

When I received the news, I walked directly to the window to look at the sun streaming in. I thought of the young man and of the stories my brother has told me about him. I thought of his grandpa and what this news will mean to him. I did what I promised myself I would do in 2016 as I mulled over this bad news by whispering the words, "Behold, our God!" to myself.

I sit here at my table by that same window looking up every now and then to see the sun shining through the big maple in our backyard and to watch the squirrel scurry around collecting nuts and seeds and I'm still thinking of that young man and his grandpa. News like that cannot be easy to receive. I have so many questions and the one I keep coming back to is, "What now?" The young man is GONE. He's finished carrying around the burdens life on this earth gave him. His family just got a new burden added to their shoulders.

And I'm thinking about my Grandma's sister who finally called to tell my Grandma that she was diagnosed with ALS in October and was given six months to live. One at the cusp of adulthood, choosing to take his life less than six months after a huge accomplishment and the other dealing with a diagnosis at 50 years old  knowing that her time is running out and FAST. Suicide and disease are both heavy burdens to bear. They both remind us that life on this earth will always be tainted by sin.

I could talk about how none of us know how much longer we have, but that's not what's on my mind. What's on my mind are the stories of the lives that we DO have. We took my Mom out for an early birthday lunch yesterday. She'll be 49 on Saturday and hearing my youngest brother pray the words, "May she be with us for a good long while." made me tear up then and they're making me bawl today. All I can do is cry and pray and remind myself to behold OUR God.

Pray for these families. Pray for the family dealing with this young man's suicide. Pray for my Grandma and her sister. Pray for my Mom, that her 49th year would be full of God's grace and that we would have her with us for a good long while.

Death and disease and aging and burdens play a huge part of life here. May we work together to make finding the answers to the "What now?" question a little easier. Along the way, may we stop to behold God, for the wonder of His glory is all around us. Even in times like these.

Aging and Living

January 21, 2016

On the first day of the year I settled  into my old spot in the living room at our other house to listen to a poem online. It was so good that I listened to it several more times before taking it down in my journal. Though the punctuation and line structure is probably wrong, here it is:

The Gift by Mary Oliver
Be still, my soul, and steadfast
Earth and heaven both are still watching
Though time is draining from the clock
And your walk that was confident and quick 
Has become slow.
So, be slow, if you must
But let the heart still play its part
Love still, as once you loved, deeply and without patience
Let God and the world know you are grateful
That the gift has been given. 

Today, the sky is basically gray and it is quietly drizzling, but on the day that I heard that poem the fresh snow was sparkling in the sunlight. The sky was blue and my mind was a few blocks away with Alice in the hospital.

Alice has taught me so very much. The only reason these words could mean so much to me at 25 is because of her friendship. This poem is about aging and it is also about living. I take Oliver's words and Alice's lessons with me as soul stirring HOPE.

Aging can't be stopped and won't be stopped. Love lets gratefulness for the gift of life and eternal life SHINE. Be slow, if you must, but don't ever stop letting God and the world know that you are grateful.

Just The Thing

January 2, 2016

I've mentioned my (not so) new found love of poetry before...After taking two rounds of Modern and Contemporary Poetry with Al Filreis' crew, it is safe to say that poetry has become a part of my life. I was the kid in jr. high who LOATHED poetry. When a poetry unit came up, my argument against poetry was ready, "Why can't they just SAY what they mean?!?!?" 

It took one fall under Filreis for me to realize that they ARE saying exactly what they mean and then a second fall under him again to get me to see that the meaning IS worth digging for. Poetry is about giving answers and it's also about asking questions. This last fall I learned that sometimes you DON'T understand what they mean and a lot of times, you're not supposed to and THAT is the point. 

I spent the fall reading assigned poetry and choosing one volume of an author's poetry each time I went to the library. I flew through several volumes of Billy Collins' poetry (his pieces are either really good or really, really strange). William Carlos Williams' work had me eager to read more. After taking one volume of Mary Oliver back, I'm ready to give her a second chance (I've got a poem from her new collection titled "Felicity" to share with you soon). The little book of Eugene Fields' poetry that my Mom convinced me to pick up has been really interesting too. What makes it most interesting is that I know NOTHING about him. 

Here I am, in the middle of winter with a poetry routine and a heart full of gratitude...I want to share more poetry here, so you can watch for it a once a month or so. I'm currently plodding through some Dickinson (who happens to be one of my favorites - cliche, I know). The other morning, I came across a poem so good that I HAD to read it out loud to my Mom. It's been on my mind ever since. Fun fact: when my Mom was in jr. high, she discovered Dickinson and pretty much became obsessed with her. Knowing that may have influenced my own favoritism. Who knows.

My little poetry routine isn't fancy. I choose a volume and then I make my way through it. I love reading it in the quiet morning hours, but sometimes, I read it at night instead. Sometimes I read 50 pages and other times I can barely make it through one poem before I'm ready to sit and stew on it for a while. I enrolled in the first class because I wanted to GET poetry. By the third week of my second class, I was surprised to find that I not only got it, but that I was ENJOYING it. 

Here's the poem I came here to share today...Enjoy!

"Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me." - Emily Dickinson

You guys...Hope offers soooo much and costs nothing. And that's a pretty good lesson to carry us through the rest of winter.

Heart Check

August 18, 2015

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

I've seen these verses three or four times over the last few weeks. Everywhere I turned, they just kept popping up. Sometimes, when you see a couple of verses on a little plaque or quoted on someone's status, you read them slowly and you notice something you've never noticed before. That's exactly what happened to me when I saw it on a printable a the Wednesday before last.

I stopped my scrolling and read it. I let it sink in. "Do NOTHING from rivalry or conceit." NOTHING. Words like that can't be confused for any other word or meaning. When we read words like that, we really must listen.

Rivalry (and conceit) is one of our biggest motivators. If you don't believe me, pay attention next time there is a small child around. Listen to their taunting voice when they're really proud about something, "I can do thiiiiisssss annnnnnddddd yyyyyooouuuuuuu cannnnnnn't." "Myyyyyyyy shooooooooesssssss liiiiiiiiighhhhhht up annnnnnd yyyyyyooooooouurrrrrrsss dooooonnnnnnn't."

We love one-uping and outdoing the people around us. We love getting praise and admiration and applause. When we read verses like these, they serve as great reminders of the wickedness that dwells in our hearts. God put these words in His Bible because the fact is, that on their own, His people LOVE doing EVERYTHING out of rivalry and conceit.

The surrounding verses make it pretty clear: we're to replace our doing out of rivalry and conceit with imitating Christ and acting out of humility with the same mind for the glory of the Father that He had. The encouragement we have in Christ, comfort we have in love, participation we have in the Spirit, and affections and sympathy that are ours in Him are to be the grace that keep our hearts turned toward His example (verse 1).

I'll tell you, I have always been a lover of rules. I don't care how silly the rule is, I'm 99.9% likely to keep it and to try to help others do the same. I'm this way because a) I don't want to get in trouble and b) I want to make people happy. I'm a rule keeper out of conceit. This verse (like so many others) flips my soul upside down and makes yet another aspect of my life centered on God.

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." Philippians 2: 12-13

When I do my rule keeping, I must consciously tell myself that it's about serving those around me and living in a way that will not tarnish the name of God. When my motives are pure (aka not wrapped up in ME), then even my rule keeping turns into a way for me to work out my salvation.

What is something that you do out of rivalry or conceit?

What verses have been following you around lately?

When 25 Is One Month Away

When I was growing up I was always thinking about what it would take to make the best of my future. After becoming a Christian, I started seeking God's will for my life. I remember being in high school and honestly telling people that what I wanted to do with my life was whatever God had for me to do. This wasn't a cop out. I had allll kinds of plans and even more short and long term goals to make them happen. I was so diligent (and proud) that I knew I needed to step back and seek God. 

Somewhere in my early 20's, my high school self found herself LOST. I was listening to God and seeking Him, but I also began to think about what would make me happy in the long run. I began to realize that I could move anywhere and do anything. That freedom really appealed to me. It is so easy to get caught up in possibilities and to let those possibilities trick your soul into forgetting to ask God what He might have in store. 

I'm going to be 25 in exactly one month. When summer starts coming to a close and my birthday draws near, I always take some time to step back and evaluate things. 

This year, I'm thinking about one thing, namely, how to get my heart back to the place where it's set on pleasing God and trusting that pleasing Him will please me. The first half of my 20's has flown by. They've been full of completely unexpected things. My 15 year old self couldn't have dreamed of where the first half of my 20's would take me. The theme of these last five years has been fighting sin, digging into God, and living by faith (or at least, trying to). Now that I think about it, those three things have been the theme since I was 9 years old and will be the theme until I die. 

The thing is, the first half of my 20's put those three things to the test. 

I faced my pride head on and learned that it's something I really have to guard against. I dealt am dealing with a major family conflict that has shown me how ugly I get when someone shows me I can't trust them. I faced depression. BIG time. 

I recovered from that bout of depression ONLY by pouring over God's Word, clinging to Him in prayer, and with the support of other Christians. I read through the entire Bible. I learned how to really study the Bible with help from this book. I continued journaling, even when it hurt to do so.

I didn't finish college, but worked really hard at it (I'm still going to finish, by the way). I've lived in five homes on two coasts. I found myself being served by a family while I did student teaching, doing life with my family, working at a Christian retreat center, helping an older woman recover and make it through a rough winter, and helping my best friend welcome her new baby into the world. 

For the first time in my life, I've slowly settled into a place where I really don't have a long term plan for myself. I only have two things I'm really working on: being a faithful Christian and a better writer. Other than that, I don't have a clue. 

I find myself remembering what my high school self said about doing whatever it was God had for me to do and asking my nearly 25 year old self if this is really it. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem like enough. It doesn't seem wise. It seems like I'm coasting and heading nowhere. It seems like my 30 year old self, and more likely, my 65 year old self will look back and give my 25 year old self a good whack and ask her what in the world she was thinking (and doing). 

25 is one month away and I'm battling the temptation to make my life about what I think will make me happy by reminding myself that following God is the only thing that will. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

On Palm Sunday

It's Palm Sunday, but I didn't wake up with that on my mind. I found out while I was scrolling through Facebook. I knew it was coming, I just forgot that it was THIS Sunday. I don't go to church, in fact, I haven't gone regularly in nearly four years. I'm ashamed to admit that, but it's the way things are.

It's Palm Sunday and I don't have a large group of Christians to celebrate with. I won't be waving a palm leaf. I won't be singing any favorite hymns. I'm missing out on one of the happiest times of the year that Christians get to take part in. To say that I "miss" being part of a body of believers would be a complete understatement. I long for a church the way that most of my single friends long for marriage.

I long for the day when I live in a community that has at least a small body of strong believers who gather together to hear God's Word and who labor together to live by that Word throughout the rest of the week. I've experienced friendships with people whose Christianity is genuine. Being with them means hearing truth and sharing truth and enjoying God together. It can't be helped. It comes naturally and it doesn't ever stop.

For now, God has me in a place where these people are few and far between. The churches distort God's Word either blatantly or by the conduct they allow among their members. The Gospel is not good news here. God said it would be like that. For whatever reason, I'm still here. This same place where I've grown in God is the place where being a Christian produced an especially deep hope in Him.

Praise God for your churches. Praise God for men who are faithful to His Word. Praise God for the brothers and sisters in Christ who are eager to share this season of celebration with you! Above all, praise God for making Himself known by way of the long awaited Messiah! Though it is difficult at times, praise God for the trials you face, for they are building you up in Him.

It's Palm Sunday and I'm longing for heaven. And you know, I'm confident that that's exactly what Jesus Christ intended!

I believe that it is essential 

for Christians to be a part of a body of believers! 

Feel free to e-mail me and we can chat about your concerns. 

While My Hands Are Covered In Dirt

April 30, 2014

Over the last few weeks, it hasn't really felt like February. We've had blue skies, beautiful sunsets, and temperatures that reached 70. It may be February, but the first weeds are here. The first weeds that pop up bring me great joy only because they remind me that it won't be long before I'll be back in the dirt once again.

I found myself working in the yard yesterday. I grabbed a bucket and a pair of scissors. I collected leaves that had blown in over the winter and trimmed back a few things that I didn't get trimmed before the cold set in. This is by far my favorite part of gardening. I love preparing the ground for the gardening season to come and beginning to research and plan out the year's gardens.

I started in my mint patch. Four years ago my friend Heidi gave me a cutting from her mint and told me how to get it going. I put it in the ground and was delighted when it came back the next spring. I love that mint. It came from one of my best friends, it practically grows itself, and it's always one of the first things to green up each spring.

Well, last fall I didn't get it cut back and the black tangle has been taunting me all winter. Yesterday was the day to put an end to all of that. As I was working, I realized that I smelled something...Mint! There I was cutting back and ripping apart mint that couldn't possibly be any deader and yet I smelled the fragrance just as if it was the middle of summer. As I always do, I got to thinking...

I want to be like that mint.

When things are a tangled mess of death and dying, I want to have the same "fragrance" about me that I have when it's a mid-summer day. I want to shock myself and those around me with refreshment, especially when that is the last thing on any of our minds. I want to come out of winter bursting with life, before winter is ever even over.

By the grace of God, that's actually exactly what I'm called to be.

I am the tangled mess and yet He has put new life in me. This life spills out and onto those around me as I walk in communion with Him. I "smell" like joy and peace and His glory is made known. Of course, this isn't always the case...I have a way of delighting in the tangled mess. But, the fact is, the joy and peace remain and the glory won't be hidden forever. 

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. " 1 Peter 1:9

It may be February and winter weather may return, but I've been in my garden and God's already started teaching me things while my hands are covered in dirt.  What's He teaching you?

ps - It's time for another round of Ask & Answer on Friday. 

If you have any questions, ask away! 

The Sea of Waiting (where Victoria finally talks about singleness)

There has been a lot of talk about singleness in the blog world lately. Singleness is a label that will be applied to everyone at some time during their life.

The Church tells us it’s a blessing, something we shouldn’t rush through.

The rest of the world tells us to live it up and do our own thing as long as it makes us happy.

All along the way though, there is an assumption that most likely, at some point, we’ll all grow up and settle down. The general consensus is that singleness is a “season” and one that will eventually come to an end.

I have a lot of girl friends who are single despite a serious desire to have a great guy in their life. These are wonderful, beautiful women that would make great wives and mothers. For whatever reason, they are scattered around the world single as single can be. And they’re doing their best to remain “content”, but it’s HARD.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably fighting that fight today. And if that’s not true of you, you’ve experienced the endless sea of waiting before. I want you to know that I always read your posts, I hear your heart aching for the things that God designed you to do and to be as woman, and I hurt for you.

I have my own words for you today…Words that I hope will shape your prayers and maybe even change the way you wait.

First of all, this might shock you, but I don’t really share your longing. That’s why I usually just listen when you talk. Would I love to be a wife to a godly man and a mother to countless kids? Absolutely! However, as I look out over the sea that is my life, I’m not looking for land or another ship, I’m simply trusting the wind in my sails.

I spent the latter half of my teen years studying Biblical womanhood and family life. I grew very excited about God’s special plans for men and women and families. It’s so beautiful! You know this. That’s why you want to be married. That’s why you want a good guy. That’s why you haven’t “settled”.

Before we go on, I want you to know that this is not another post about contenment.

I’m writing today to remind you that God is faithful and sufficient. I’m writing to remind you that marriage isn’t just marriage. I’m writing to remind you that there’s a lot to learn from this sea of waiting.

During my own time of singleness, I’ve come face to face with the brokeness of this world. At times, I’ve allowed it to overwhelm me into places of depression, fear, and serious anxiety. When the fog of my own finiteness clears, I begin to see the hand of God and the foolishness of human hearts.

I'll say it again. I don't share your longing for marriage.

It’s not that I’m fiercely independent. Or that I hate men. Or that I have career goals. Or that I love being single. Or that I can’t stand children.

It’s not that I’ve mastered the art of contentment or that I think singleness is better than marriage.

It IS that I love God so deeply and that I long for my life to be spent in service to Him . It’s that I want to have a home that serves as a place of redemption and healing in the neighborhood that surrounds it. It’s that I want everything in my life to be in submission to God. It’s that I want to raise children who have parents who are so commited to God and to each other that faith becomes real, because it is real.

It’s that I’ve read the Scriptures and I know that marriage makes me responsible to submit to the man I marry and to raise children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Being in a marriage with a man that doesn’t completely share this dedication would be deveastating. Raising children with such a man would send me into such a deep pit that it makes my heart ache just thinking about it.

Have you ever looked up submit in the dictionary? It is definied this way: “to commit to the discretion or decision of another.”

I’m not longing for marriage because I don’t take submission lightly.  If I marry a man, I will submit to him. I don’t want to put myself in a situation where submission is any harder than it has to be. I don’t want to put my children in a position where their father and our home are things they want to escape.

I’m not longing for marriage because my naivety wore off long ago. I realize that by getting married I’m subjecting myself and my children to the discretion and decision of antoher.

I’m going to be bold and say that I need a man who takes submission seriously. I’ll know that he does because he will be a man that has first submitted himself to the discretion and decision of God.

That’s the kind of man that would make me long for marriage...Until then, my empty ring finger is a constant source of great joy. (Just ask my Mom.) 

I'm not longing for marriage because such men are hard to come by. Remaining unmarried is far better than finding myself married to a man that is not all of these things.  

That said, I’ve learned a lot from the sea of waiting, namely, that it really isn’t so bad after all.

I believe that singleness ins’t mainly about contentment, but rather, wisdom. Wisdom tells us to set our hope in God and to share that hope with everyone around us.

Someday you may find yourself married to a godly man. You may find yourself with a house full of children. I'll thank God with you when that day comes!

 Earlier I said that this wasn’t a post about contentment. Now, I’ll say that it IS a post about warning.

Don’t waste the sea of waiting.

Do set your hope in God and seek His wisdom.

Don’t long so hard for companionship that you make foolish decisions and spend the rest of your life paying for them. You won’t pay for them alone.

Let your longing for companionship take you to the One who is your most faithful Companion for all of eternity.

Lastly, if a godly man pursues you, join him in making God famous.  But first, make sure he’s actually walking with God. Your children will thank you.

Let’s be women who fear the Lord and live like it, whatever station we find ourselves in! 

I’d love to chat with you, 

especially on the days when 

the struggle is at its worst,

 so e-mail me anytime! 

ps - Please know that I am not saying that you are wrong to long for marriage. I am not inferring that you are not longing for marriage to the type of man that I have described. I'm just telling you what singleness and the wrecked marriages around me have taught me! :) 

Ships Going Somewhere

A few years ago, Hebrews 6:19 was showing up everywhere online. You probably know it. In the ESV Hebrews 6:19-20 says, 
"We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul,  a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain,  where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf,  having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek."
(The book of Hebrews is so good....I can't wait to get there in my reading plan!!!)
When I first saw that verse going around, I was right in the middle of adding some details to the hall bathroom. I happened to see two things to hang on the wall that matched with the paint and the shower curtain...You guessed it, they were beach related! 

I framed one of my favorite pictures and then decided to design a print based off of that verse in Hebrews. Unfortunately, I put it on the wall in my bedroom for safe keeping (until I got a frame for it). That was in November of 2012...Oops! I was reminded of all of that when I took it off the wall earlier this week in order to prepare for the work being done in there. 
This morning, I came across Ephesians 1:18 which says,
 "I pray that the Father of glory enlighten the eyes of your heart, that you may know what is the hope to which He has called you." 

In God we have a higher call than to simply know Him or serve Him or worship Him. We have a hope which is THE HOPE. God made it so that we could KNOW what that hope of ours really is. 
The hope is a sure and steadfast anchor. The hope goes before us. The hope is for us to know. The hope is Jesus. 
By the hope we are made new. By the hope EVERYTHING changes. 
In an article posted on the Reach Records website, they were talking about their mission as a record label. With the dawn of a new year, we're all kicking around ideas about our mission. In the article they said, "the ship isn't floating aimlessly around the sea". 
I love these verses. I love the hope that is mine. My prayer for 2014 is, "Lord, may the hope keep me from floating aimlessly around the sea." 
May we be ships that are going somewhere. May the eyes of our hearts SEE that we may KNOW what is the hope to which we have been called.

2014: One Word

I've been writing this post in my head since Saturday while I was driving with my Mom and brother and sister to do some shopping in another town. It was a cold, foggy day and the van was quiet.

As we were driving along I suddenly realized that because of the fog I had no idea what was beyond us more than thirty feet in any direction. Sure, I could see a bit of road ahead of us along with some pieces of field to the left and right of us, but outside of those borders, I was clueless. 

That was the last Saturday of 2013, so naturally I was thinking about 2014. 

It hit me. This year, like other times in my life, I'm in a place where there is a lot of FOG. 

The fog gives me BORDERS. I really have no idea what God has in store for 2014. No amount of looking gives me even a HINT as to what lies ahead. 

Many people are quick to offer me patches of field to the left and right...Yet, I'm quite happy right where I am. I am enjoying "the ride in the van".

In other words...

2013 came to an end. The fog settled in, leaving me with no idea as to what will be ahead.  Though the fog surrounds me, I know where I am and I know what joy God gives me in that place. 

Whatever IS beyond the fog, my word for 2014 is simply this, GATHER. 

In Jeremiah 23:29 it says, "Is not My Word like fire, declares the Lord..." In the advent study, "Good News For Great Joy", John Piper wrote of this Word, "Gather ‘round that fire this Advent season. It is warm. It is sparkling with colors of grace. It is healing for a thousand hurts. It is light for dark nights."

 As far back as August, I thought my word was going to be DECLARE. Then it kind of morphed into DECLARE and DEMONSTRATE. And now, all of that is tied together in one simple word - GATHER. 

I chose gather because:

it's a call for ME to gather MYSELF around this fire of God's Word.

it's a call for ME to gather FOR myself the warmth of WISDOM that I find there.

it's a call to gather OTHERS with me by pointing them to God's Word. 

it's a call to gather WITH others in order to go TOGETHER in the ways of WISDOM. 

Love God. Love people. Fight sin. 

It's the theme, the aim, of every year that I call earth my dwelling place. 

In 2014, I have one hope and that is that God will gather His people to Himself. 

My part is to DRINK and to DECLARE and to DEMONSTRATE. 

God's Word is so many things and every single one of the things that it is can be summed up in this: LIFE giver and sustainer. 

The fog may be thick, but of this I am sure, God is calling His people to GATHER; where He calls, He leads. 

GATHERING near the Word by myself and alongside God's people, I will find everything necessary to continue hoping in God. 

Hoping in God, 2014 will be a year well spent.

The fog may lift, clear, or thicken, but the fire, the fountain, the bread, will be there ready for us to gather, to drink, and to feast upon...This Word does not disappoint because it comes from the One who is the most satisfying.

The MOST Wonderful Time of the Year

via

It's the first day of Advent! I never realize how much I have been looking forward to this part of the Christmas season until it is HERE. 

This year I'm going through a study called "Come Lord Jesus Come" that I found over at Gospel Centered Discipleship. 

Check it out, download your own FREE copy, and be ready to have a wonderful time with God this Christmas season! 

I've just finished the reading for Day One and I'm already super excited for the the next 24 days!!! 

How are you celebrating advent this year?

Are you doing any particular study? I'd love to hear about it!!! 

Real Life

Whenever something strange happens or I see something that is ridiculous I have a few things that I tend to blurt out. My friends and family find it hilarious to imitate these sayings of mine because they KNOW what's coming. 

One thing I tend to think and say in those situations is "this is real life". When I say this, it is part question and part conclusion.

The world is a CRAZY place to live...And yet, however strange, ridiculous, and crazy things are, every one of them is REAL.

This is real life...

We deal with other people. They hurt us, we hurt them. They take advantage of us, we take advantage of them. They love us, we love them. 

 

You get the picture...The point is, we need other people and other people need us. 

 

There are people in our life that come and go. Some we get to know and care about, others are just part of the crowd that surrounds us. 

 

All of these people have their own STORIES. The struggles, the hopes, the dreams, the disappointment, and the passions that make them who they are. 

 

In my real life - I have two dads [clarification: one bio and one step married to my mom], one mom, two brothers, and a sister. I've had seven grandparents and three great grandparents. I have over 20 cousins and nearly just as many aunts and uncles. I have friends who I care so much about, they might as well be family. And I've had friends that I thought would be around FOREVER who are completely out of my life now. 

Each of these people have their own "entourage". That's A LOT of people....And it's people that make this world a crazy place to live. I contribute. People look at me and think, "Woah! This is real life?!?!"

How about if we cut down on the crazy?

 

 Be who you are, but THINK about the people around you. 

 

Did you commit to do something? Do it. Is someone you know having a hard time? Listen. Have you been using someone? Apologize and stop that. Do you know someone who is excited about something? Celebrate that with them! 

Slow down and step back. The fact is, this life is real and crazy - but it's also SHORT. What really matters is what's coming NEXT and THAT will be here before we know it. 

I'm so ready! God has us here, so while we're waiting let's work together to be people that MAKE LIFE REAL by sharing the truth and joy of what is coming.

 

 

 

Frankly Friday: Don't Give Up

You know the feeling when you've basically been doing SOMETHING all day...Really, it was more like one thing after another with a break thrown in here and there? That's a good feeling! But then, there's that feeling followed by looking around and realizing that you've still got a MAJOR MESS on your hands. 
I really don't like that feeling. 
I'll be HONEST. I had that feeling yesterday. When the day was over I just felt like I was covered in FILTH from head to toe, but I didn't even feel like taking a shower. I couldn't really relax because everything was a mess. Stuff...Stuff...Stuff!!!
Eventually, I ate some food, I took a shower, and I ignored the stuff and did some relaxing. Some friends came over for banana splits and then I ended up falling asleep watching "Always a Bride".
As Christians, we can get this way. We TRY so hard. We WANT to be fixed on God. We LOOK for the areas that we're coming up short. And then, we find ourselves TIRED. Certain we're a HOPELESS mess. 
We're a mess alright, but never HOPELESS. 
Over the last few weeks, one verse keeps coming up. I really need to sit down and read the CONTEXT, but for now, I'll share it with you. I printed it off along with some other words so that I could look at it. The verse goes like this: "...If you're not firm in faith, you will not be firm at all." Isaiah 7:9. 
That simple sentence says so MUCH! Words I need to hear. I can't remember if I shared my thoughts here, but I journaled up a storm...God is faithful and His call on my life can pretty much be summed up in the fact that He calls me to be FAITHFUL. 
Here me - we definitely need to be CONCERNED and working out our salvation. And yet, we also need to TRUST in the God who is behind it all. 
I don't have the balance figured out. I can't even leave you with some nice, neat sentence that sums it all up. Frankly, the mess surrounds me, I am my own mess, and I know that God is at work. 
There's just one thing left for me to do: DRINK. I need God's Word, God's people, and my weakest area: to PRAY. 
Don't give up! 

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,

Your faithfulness to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;

Your judgments are like the great deep;

man and beast You save, O Lord.

How precious is Your steadfast love, O God!

The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

     They feast on the abundance of Your house,

and You give them drink from the river of Your delights.

For with You is the fountain of life;

in Your light do we see light.

              Psalm 36:5-9